I don’t question expansion. Expansion is awesome. The more cities that hoist Viva La Stool flags, the better. Barstool is not wrong to move to L.A., and they are certainly not “selling out”. They are providing more content to more people. Awesome.

I don’t hate L.A.’s first blogs. Not great, but whatever. 5/10's. Still getting their blog legs under them. Popping their Barstool-cherries.

I have no problem with hiring comedians. I don’t even get that argument.

I don’t put much stock in the commenters today. The comments were for sure worse than when DMV opened (shout out to @BarstoolNate, who is holding his own just fine), and Pres felt the need to write a blog in their (and his) defense, but the commenters will #HateHateHate until they die, so whatever.

But there is something I have a problem with. Hiring non-Stoolies to write for the Stool.

Pres said in his blog today:

I keep using the SNL analogy. I want to turn this into an internet juggarnaut where if you’re fucking hilarious you come to us.

It’s an awesome goal and is extremely scaleable. But, hand-to-God, whenever I describe Barstool to people, after saying how it’s like nothing else on the Internet (the culture, the bloggers, hell, even the way they advertise), I always include: “No one could write for the Stool, unless they were a Stoolie before then. They just wouldn’t get it.”

Because you can’t learn the Stool after checking the site out for a couple of weeks and listening to the last 3 episodes of KFC Radio. You’d out of your depth. You’d be floudering, drowning. Like a stingray in an aquarium, getting mushed by a small, fat hand. (Hey L.A. guys — you get that reference??). Because Barstool is not BroBible, or any of the other copy-cat sites. Its bloggers and blogs are specific to the site and to the audience. You have to know them to write for them.

I can’t say with 100% certainty that these L.A. guys aren’t Stoolies. But they certainly don’t write or tweet like us. They don’t seem to get us. Nick’s “Introduction and Unseen Breasts” post was cringe-worthy. A shit-my-pants as an adult joke in the first paragraph? I’m pretty sure Big Cat could sue him for plagerism. Unless he didn’t know that was a Big Cat joke. Which I think was the case.

Starting as a blogger at Barstool is like a girl losing her virginity. It’s going to hurt a bit in the beginning and you probably won’t enjoy it for a while. But being a Stoolie first is the lube. Without it, you’re going to have a fucking rough time.