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The 3 Keys to…fuck it, i’m a failure don’t listen to me

( feel better about yourself)

The 3 Keys to…fuck it, i’m a failure don’t listen to me

( feel better about yourself)


I’ve been a blog-writing, hobby-adopting, advice-giving whore for the past week, mostly because the articles I’ve been reading keep telling me to adopt hobbies and write valuable content in my blog posts, in the form of advice. Well I’m gonna take a break from the self righteous advice-giving.

This is my gift to you:

1. I follow a lot of entrepreneurs on Twitter that I find by typing in the tag “entrepreneur” in the search bar, and then I favorite and retweet their stuff to feel like I’m exactly as smart as them.

2. I’ve never been one to have much social klout. 156 followers on Twitter and every favorite I get I admire like a nice reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I scroll through my own tweets to remind myself that I exist and that my sense of humor is sort of funny. Hey guys look I’m funny!!! …guys?

3. My first publicized blog post was titled: “4 Signs That He Likes You But He Actually Doesn’t”.

My title was pretty catchy and edgy in its unconventional wit. I think the 18 readers I got to click on it maybe thought so too? This was my first taste of blog-fail.

4. My second post was titled “3 Effortless Tricks to Being a Better Person”. This is something that everyone and no one is an expert on. That didn’t stop me…truthfully I just wanted to write about my day at work and how absolutely adorable the office dog is. 11 people read this one. CHURN & LOW RETENTION RATE, what to do?

5. This post is in a list because all of the content marketing blog posts I binged on said that lists are the most popular form of blog post. Am I providing any source of value to you right now? And is there something on this page that is actionable? …tell me your favorite color in your comments????

6. I’m trying really hard to grow. I’m in college and all the entrepreneurs I meet started their business when they were 14, or started hacking their VCRs because they were “just curious”, or sold weed to get by.

When I was 14 my parents only let me go to one sleepover a month, and so in my free time I wrote Livejournal posts about jocks that were way out of my league for my friends to read.(if only I’d read my first blog post to ground myself to reality.)

I’d apologize for being a cynical whiny butt, but then this post won’t get any merit for being “unapologetically honest”, which I really want to get street cred for!


This post is dedicated to all the young and old ones out there who just aren’t as cool as their friends and the people they follow on the Internet. You’re not alone —and you’re not hopeless. (Warning: please don’t read my wordpress posts for advice.)