If Siri was your wife

Just imagine.

Siri, how’s the weather in Bombay?

Hi. No. First of all you don’t even have a 3G connection. You expect me to answer your questions on GPRS? And Second, WTF is wrong with you? Why are you wearing that shitty tie on a very gay shirt?

Ok.. Then how about finding me a apparel store nearby?

Looking, wait still on GPRS? You know what fuck you. And if you didn’t have enough money to pay for my 3G connection why did you buy me. I’m going back on standby. Put me on charger.

But I have to leave now, I charged you the whole night. Book a cab quick I’m getting late.

———

Siri, book a cab for me to go to office

Fine! Don’t have to yell. Its not my fault that you don’t know how to drive. Booking a cab.. will be done by evening. Sending these reports back to my parents at apple.

WTH, Google now, book me a cab to the office

Booking for a nap in the office. 9239923442234 results found.

AAH! Siri, text Sarah I’m gonna be late today.

Do I look like your personal assistant? You aren’t a kid who doesn’t know how to send a text. Hell even kids know more than you do. Texting sara “You’re a bitch”. Text sent.

Enough of this shit! I’m buying a Nokia.

200 results for shops to buy Nokia found in Bombay. Do you want me to show directions to closest one?

Yes!

Opening Apple Maps and getting directions to Democratic Republic of the Congo, central Africa.