iPad Addictions and Four Year Olds

Solomon, our four-year-old, is addicted to the iPad. When I say “addicted” you probably think I’m using a cute literary device to exaggerate the meaning of the word. I mean, what three year old could possibly have enough time to build up an addiction? But I assure you, I’m talking about the Lindsay-Lohan-in-rehab addicted, not the I-kind-of-like-gummy-worms addicted.

When Solomon is playing the iPad he’s in heaven—full of joy—singing and laughing, but as soon as we take it away, his world crashes into a mini-apocalypse. And, when he’s not playing the iPad, he’s asking for it, constantly. It’s torture. His consistent barrage of questions could earn a confession from a hardened criminal—guilty or innocent. Seriously, if we want to find out where the terrorists are we should employ a few tech-starved four year olds. Just tell them the prisoners are hiding iPads. We would solve the terror problem in a week.

Technology is great, don’t get me wrong, I just wish my kids would learn to read and write, like on paper, and forget about anything tech until they graduate from high school, or even college. Yes, college.

I feel like I’ve let things get out of hand in our home and the technology that I love so much has now become an unwanted family guest. The kind that never showers, sprawls out on the couch and rummages through the cabinets to eat my favorite snacks. The kind that make you so mad but then you sit down and they say something funny and you’re like, wait, he’s not so bad, I was all wrong about this guy … until he’s back in the cabinets and scratching his butt through his dark gray track suit again.

Oh well.

We named our youngest son after the wisest man in history, King Solomon, so I’m sure he’ll work out this whole iPad thing. In the meantime, I wish he’d get off MineCraft so I could check my email.