It’s ok to feel entitled
It builds trust and confidence in one another
“Feelings of entitlement” generally get a bad rap. The assumption seems to be that they’re predicated on narcissism and laziness. Bratty teenagers, for instance, feel entitled to clothes and cars. But entitlement - unearned expectations of a person or organization - also seems necessary, somehow.
Those bratty teenagers are definitely entitled. And I agree with the negative connotations of that. But a baby is entitled to love from her parents and citizens are entitled to protection by their government. And these are good. Feelings of entitlement in these cases engender trust (in parents or in government). Being entitled to the love of my parents means I don’t need to question their motives - their motive is love. Being entitled to protection by my government means I don’t need to question the water I drink from my tap - my government ensures it’s safe.
In fact, without a feeling of entitlement, it would seem impossible to trust in any meaningful sense. If you only have my trust once you’ve earned it and until you break it, what do you really have?
No human is perfect. If my trust in you is predicated on your actions, I may never trust you. And that hurts me as much, if not more, than it hurts you. A little naivety seems to be necessary here. Perhaps you are entitled to my trust simply by your act of being. Or perhaps you are entitled to my trust only if you are in my family or in my community. Either way, the level of trust seems necessarily intertwined with the level of entitlement we feel.
If the ties that bind us to our families and our communities are so flimsy as to be broken by mistakes or misjudgments, I think “family” and “community” lose their value. Family members are entitled to love. Community members are entitled to protection. The responsibility to love and to protect also exist, but they are separate from, not prerequisites for, entitlement. I don’t think this necessarily engenders narcissism or laziness. And even if they do, I’d rather be naive and trusting than cynical and afraid.
