I’ve got the latest White House scandal right here

You guys. I’m not one to normally push conspiracy theories or anything, but I have some pretty damning evidence against the US government. And, sadly, it’s not unprecedented if you’ve been following what’s going on in our country. Welp.

You know how there are all of those White House scandals that are taking over the news cycle? There’s the IRS improperly investigating Tea Party-affiliated organizations. There’s the Department of Justice improperly monitoring AP reporters. There’s the State Department improperly handling the Benghazi attacks. All told, a startling one-third of all House oversight committees are investigating the Obama White House for one thing or another.

Well, get ready to add a new scandal to the top of the list, because those are nothing compared to what I have. You ready?

At approximately 2:01 p.m. on Wednesday, May 15, 2013, as I was walking to my apartment, I saw something that knocked the wind out of me. It cut me to the core. It probably made my WWII-veteran grandfathers roll over in their graves. It was the CIA, operating in my neighborhood. They were running domestic operations in New York City. Shudder.

These clearly illegal actions go completely against the CIA’s mandate to exlcusively gather intelligence outside of the United States. Spying on Americans in America is the FBI’s domain. We all know this. And it’s clear that the CIA’s domestic espionage is harming their ability to do the international kind successfully. So please, for all of our sakes, put your efforts towards spying on other countries, CIA.

So what does this mean? It means that this evidence underscores the blatant mismanagement and lack of leadership from the upper ECHELONs of the White House — even up to one President Barack Obama. I mean, the CIA is a bureaucracy so inept that they can’t even keep their job description straight. It is a scandal of the highest magnitude. And let me remind you that this is not a term that gets tossed around lightly in this day and age.

What I saw today is absolutely unacceptable. And I trust that people will be held accountable.

C-ya, CIA.

Blake Henderson is a humor writer and thinks that the CIA needs cleverer front businesses. He thinks he would be great at that job and would be happy to help out.