The ‘Do’s’ and ‘Do Not’s’ of Disability Culture
If you tell me I’m “too cute” to be in a wheelchair, you can move to the left.
Tuesday, December 3 is International Day of Disability. Today is “a United Nations sanctioned day that aims to promote an understanding of people with disability and encourage support for their dignity, rights and well-being.”
Since an important part of understanding disability is advocating, I would like to point out some of the most common social ideas and considerations to keep in mind surrounding disability.
Disclaimer: I want to mention that this is in no way a complete list, nor is it applicable to or agreed upon by every member of the disability community. This list is based upon my personal experiences as a person with a physical disability who uses a wheelchair. I would like to thank my family and friends for their support that allows me to have such conversations about disability and ableism in the first place.
Do not assist a person with a disability without asking. There is a chance you could throw off the person’s balance, or if the person is in a wheelchair, a stranger suddenly coming up from behind and pushing them can be super off-putting. Do realize that people with disabilities are extremely capable of doing all their tasks, and are also capable of asking for help if they want. When in doubt, a polite “May I assist you?” does the trick and they can answer what they wish.
Do not draw attention to a person in a wheelchair with nicknames or ‘funny’ comments. I’ve personally been called ‘wheels,’ ‘hot wheels,’ and been told to “obey the speed limit so I don’t get a ticket!” while in my wheelchair. While this isn’t the worst thing in the world, I imagine that if I started calling everyone who walked “legs,” they wouldn’t like it either. Do use person-first language.Saying “disabled person” makes “disabled” a noun that defines the person. Say “person with a disability” instead (if you absolutely have to refer to the disability at all.)
Do realize that you are never too (insert adjective here) to have a disability. Having any sort of disability simply means your body is wired a bit differently than someone else’s. Telling me I’m “way too cute” to be in a wheelchair does not flatter me at all. Though my favorite comment is “you’re too young to have a disability!” A fact of life is that we will all someday struggle with balance, sight issues, trouble walking long distances, or many of the other aspects associated with disability. Saying someone is “too young” or any other adjective for a disability just means that person hasn’t come into contact with his or her own personal form of disability yet.
Going off of that, I’m really sorry you slipped on the ice and broke your leg last winter, but that does not qualify you to understand what it is like to live with a disability. Because disability rights is the last Civil Rights Movement to be named as that, there is a lack of understanding that you cannot fully know what it is like to live with another person’s disability. To put this in context, it would be as if I said, “I had my eyes dilated, so I know what it’s like to be visually impaired!” I don’t, and saying something like this is more than a little silly.
Do realize I LOVE my wheelchair! My wheelchair and motorized scooter give me amazing freedom and allow me function safety and happily, doing what I want. Do realize that I often only think about having a disability when I encounter a building/situation that is inaccessible or an ableist comment is made towards me. Other than that, my disability is just something I have.
Do realize that I am very open about talking about my disability, but not everyone is. Do not ask someone you barely know “what happened to them” to make them disabled. It doesn’t really matter in the scope of things. If you are already acquainted, use your best judgment and ask the question politely (ie: “Is it all right if I ask what your disability is?”)
Because I realize that the only way to learn more about people with disabilities is by asking questions, do ask questions at the right time and in the right way. I used to work a retail sales job, and I hated customers who made comments towards me like “Look, this store hired a girl in a wheelchair! How awesome!” However, a mother once brought her son up to me and said, “My son is four and has been asking many questions about people in wheelchairs lately, and I’m wondering if he could ask you them if you are willing and have time to answer.” I loved this it was considerate and acknowledged that I wasn’t obligated to serve as a lesson for her son. I was happy to talk with him.
Do not ask people with disabilities how they handle their personal lives. Yes, this happens. I don’t ask you those types of questions! Dorealize that people with disabilities date. An able-bodied person who is in a relationship with a person with a disability isn’t “brave” or “noble.” Two people in wheelchairs who date is not “the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen!” They’re just two people who happen to like each other, end of story.
Do address people with disabilities by looking them in the eye, and not by talking over them like they’re not there. Do use an age-appropriate voice and vocabulary. I shouldn’t have to say this, but yet, I am. Address people with disabilities how you would like to be spoken to.
Do not compliment me for getting out and doing every day activities. My going to a movie or the grocery store isn’t very inspirational. I spend the same amount of time Facebook stalking and YouTubing dumb cat videos every day as you do. That’s not inspiring. While I realize that people who say ,“you’re such an inspiration” are doing it out of kindness, if you wish to compliment someone with a disability, congratulate them on an actual accomplishment, of which they have many. Leave their disability out of it.
Do realize that people with disabilities are real people with real lives. People with disabilities laugh, cry, go out, love having fun, go to their jobs, dance, have Netflix marathons, have fallen in love, gotten their hearts broken, gone to college, are athletes, mothers, fathers, friends, and citizens of this world. In other words, people with disabilities are just like you.
Happy International Day of Disability!
Claire Forrest is a writer, book lover, and person with a disability. You can follow her at claireforrest.com
