The fear of being alone

Tapas Easwar
Jul 25, 2013 · 3 min read

What I’ve always wondered is why people are so damn terrified of telling the person that they care for, that they care for them. Romantic comedies and perpetuated this fad wherein person A likes/loves person B, yet cannot tell person B for whatever reason. Person A then goes around telling everyone else this new addition to her life, all the while, not telling person B that he/she likes/love him/her. It makes no sense to me.

I suppose it has to do with the fear of rejection, mixed with the want to feel validated. For instance, let’s say I like a certain musical artist, and you don’t. Nine times out of ten, I will most likely say, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU YOU’RE INSANE THEY’RE THE BEST BAND EVER!” I noticed this about myself, and others, when a good friend of mine told me that he did not like bacon, while another said that he did not enjoy sushi. We seek that sense of validation from others so that we don’t feel alone in our life choices, so that we can justify our actions as other people are partaking in the same activities and decision make processes.

The fear of rejection, however, is an entirely different story, which goes back to my first point; people are finding it increasingly harder and harder to tell the people that they want to tell what it is that they are exactly feeling. I’m guessing it’s because in doing so, you’re opening yourself up to that other person; you become incredibly vulnerable. And that’s where movies tend to fail us. They are an incredible story telling medium, but they don’t prepare us for the flipside of these situations. In most romantic comedies, person A and person B are together in the very end. However, that doesn’t necessarily always happen. Two people may not feel the same way towards each other at the same time, so what happens when one person opens up and the other one cannot reciprocate? How are we meant to deal with that? All I’ve seen is a slippery slope of awkward conversations because in the back of their minds, they’re both trying not to let what they say affect the other person, and after sometime, the strangers turned friends and almost lovers, are strangers once again.

And all of this, the fear of rejection and the need to feel validated, stems entirely from the absolute fear of being alone. We’re all so wrapped up in each other’s lives that we don’t take a minute to stop and think about what it is that we’re doing in our own lives. We don’t like being alone with our thoughts, and we drown them out with alcohol, weed, music, or whatever, because we’re so terrified of being honest with ourselves. We’d rather lie to others and say that we’re alright, when we’re not, even if we don’t know why. We don’t like being alone, and we don’t necessarily know how to be alone anymore either.

And that’s what terrifies me; distracting myself from myself.

I. M. H. O.

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