“Look, if you had one shot … To seize everything … Would you capture it or just let it slip?” -EMINEM

The Five Things That Will Get You Nowhere Fast

Recommendations on how to conduct oneself when meeting new acquaintances or business folk.

Nike has a motto of Just Do It. Well, if there was a brand championing this cause, its tagline would be Just Don’t.

  1. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room. If you think you’re the smartest person in the room, stay put. Otherwise, try and find the people leaving the room.
  2. If the second question out of your mouth is, “So, what do you do?” or even worse, “so, who do you know?”, you just chased all the smart people out of the room, nice work asshat. See if you can tweet them back into the room with your Klout score. Let me know how that goes.
  3. If you ask me for something before offering something, #goplayintraffic. I’ll stop you mid sentence and suggest you rephrase your ask. I’m Canadian and a hopeless romantic, I believe in second chances.
  4. If you sell when you ought to tell. There’s a time and a place, sell yourself then if you happen to offer something that would be useful, then by all means, tell me. By this time, you’re just like an old friend or I’ve asked you to rephrase your question. The other option is that you’re in a room full of people using a lot of acronyms.
  5. If you constantly use the term “I” in everything you do. Just don’t. Makes you look and sound like a self aggrandizing prick. Start practicing writing all your sentences without the use of “I” - same same, but different, a lot different. Now you’re not so much of a prick. Humble is cool, selflessness is even cooler.

This is by no means a surefire solution, however, it does converge on many a shared opinion. Your agenda should be stuck to your chest like one of those “Hello My Name Is” stickers. Just be open, memorable and make people smile. Do that and avoid the above five things and you’re on your way to being even more awesome.