Why do we gossip?
“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
It is around 10:30 AM, about time for a mid-day coffee break. People are slowly walking away from their desks and regrouping into small subgroups in cafeteria, near the water cooler or near smoking corners. We relax ourselves and exchange pleasantries. A few of us discuss ideas, many, about recent events and most of us swiftly shift attention to discussing the "other" people. At times, they look around, lower their voices and point bayonets of their criticism towards the "other" people, who are not part of the conversation. We dearly call this behavior "gossip".
I keep wondering, why do we gossip in the first place? What makes people additively gossip?
According to Dunbar's calculations (Robin Dunbar), the number of individuals one can communicate is limited by the size of our neo-cortex. Dunbar empirically calculated that humans have a limit of roughly 150 people that we can directly interact with. In other words, we lack the gray matter to interact with a larger group. That can't be true, some one says. I know, I know.. Social media stalwarts with 5,000 Facebook friends and 50,000 Twitter followers would be frowning at this idea. But we know that not all of our Facebook friends and Twitter followers are our real friends. Dunbar further theorized that gossiping was a smart way to interact with larger networks - the second level or third level of contacts. Gossiping allows us to get to know the "other" person without directly conversing with her. It helps us covertly control him without being part of his immediate social network. Speaking from an evolutionary standpoint, gossiping is a powerful tool for social control and bonding.
I think there is also a psychological underpinning to our gossiping minds. As hierarchically structured social beings, we are constantly confronted with the fear of social isolation and rejection. By engaging in gossip, we derive mutual approval, at the expense of disapproving the "other" person. It elevates our sense of worth and confidence. In our constant search for ways to reach an alpha status (humans have thousands of levels of alpha statuses, unlike other great apes), every step of the way is a win-win. As we walked our way from Savannah to San Francisco, we invented strategies beyond reptilian fight-flight-freeze responses. We use gossip as a tool to divert attention to others. When we are vulnerable, instead of fighting or fleeing, we try distracting. Diverting the spotlight to the "other" person is the quickest way to the safety of our ego-cocoons.
The next time when we catch ourselves gossiping, we don't need to feel that bad after all. We are humans. We have a 100,000 years of evolution to blame!
Photo by Sambhu Sankar
