Stop hiding | photo: Danielle mariott

Why Starting Anything Is Absolutely Terrifying

And why you should abandon the false security of calling yourself an Introvert.

At some point I decided, instead of writing something poignant and witty and all encompassing in suggestive value, that I would write a sentence that could just stand as that - a sentence.

Neurosis is the silent killer. Killer of ideas, slayer of productivity, the birthplace of the downward spiral. Say you change “if a tree falls in the woods,” to “if an idea in your head is never heard.” Basic fact: You can’t get shit done by not doing it. Osmosis is yet to be a viable option for progress. Yet! Yet, somehow stewing about in one’s mind seems to be today’s most latent epidemic.

There’s even a mass justification floating about to validate this non-behavior: introvertism. It’s like every introvert is now reveling in this self-proclaimed pity party that really is just another excuse to mull about in their own head and serve as a false claim as to why they get no recognition. There are also, a lot of introverts coming out from behind the books, to exclaim that it’s okay, harness your introvert, like some sort of minority anthem. Or is this really just a switch in which society is demanding that we blur the lines? You can still create work and present it to the world while being an “introvert.” Inherently, by objectifying yourself, not by being introverted, but by claiming it as a label: I am an Introvert.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cool your jets. I have caught myself telling myself that I, too! am an Introvert! Leave me to my idea! Leave me to my own vicious demise! I’m an ARTEEEST! I’ve recently seen that taking responsibility for my own behavioral tendencies can lead to surprising advances in fooling everyone around me. The next step is transcending from deception to perception. I’ll save myself from this sounding like you’d find it in the self-help section. I know there is plenty of research done on extrovert vs. introvert and the (mostly) benefits of the former over the latter, and this is probably where all of us introverts, curled and slumped in front of our computer screens late at night have come to retaliate and explain the joys of being quiet. It’s not about that. It’s about —.Right here I almost quit. The unbearable glimmer of the end became too near. Too controlled.

It’s about being in control.

An introvert maintains control 100% of the time. By never allowing others to enter their head, they remain in control. Omission of presenting care [read: suggestion], want [read: higher salary/pay], and need [read:delegation of responsibility], we can dictate all of these things in our head, in ourselves until ultimately and crushingly necessary. By presenting ideas, and projections of value, we feel exposed. We’ve put something out into the world that has the potential for rejection, or consequence beyond our limits of control. We’ve entered a conversation. It requires reciprocal engagement. We can’t just drop a bomb and leave.

It’s okay to be out of control. It fuels adrenaline and ramps up our capabilities for greater responses. Beginning a project or a painting, or agreeing to a freelance job is terrifying because of the anxiety imposed by future responsibilities. It’s the lazy man’s job to relish in labels and excuses of why success and progress hasn’t been made. All the while, you know in your head that your ideas and thoughts are amazing flakes of snow just waiting for the right hill to land on to create that snowball. Many a flake fall far from the ideal slope. Such is the nature of our universe (and that, is an entirely tangential navel gazing filibuster). It’s easier to live in your head and dream. Well, come on dreamers, put on your faces.