Alternatives to ‘Slams Laptop Shut Until…’
Sometimes you just gotta take some time off.
“Finishes meeting, nods solemnly, says they understand the feedback and will get to work on it pronto, then dropkicks their laptop off their apartment balcony after of course making sure to check that nobody is walking in close proximity below, then curls up into the fetal position pleading for sweet release of death, eventually falling into a fitful 12-hour slumber on the middle of their living room hardwood floor, waking up in a cold sweat, disoriented and wondering where they are, how things got this way. They will be back online bright and early tomorrow, though, once they make a visit to IT for a new machine.”
“Inserts laptop into a company-branded backpack then fills up the rest of it with a bunch of rocks, tosses it on and walks into Lake Michigan for a much-needed cold-plunge session before another mundane meeting about a meeting even though both meetings probably don’t really even need to be a meeting can make it to their calendar.”
“Logs off for a while to check personal email and dating apps on another digital device to see if there are any new additions to their tally in a competitive analysis to determine whether they get ghosted more often by job recruiters or potential love interests they matched with on Hinge. The race is neck-and-neck at the moment.”
“Stops typing for just about long enough to stuff some leftover food from the fridge that is at least on the brink of going bad but they risk it anyway and ‘enjoy’ it the best they can as they unceremoniously scarf it down while standing over the kitchen sink.”
“Takes a break to indulge in a recently mandated weekly date night during which they and their partner will speak incessantly about their respective jobs and pretty much nothing else even though after all this time they still have a difficulty understanding, let alone explaining to others, what the potential love of their life actually does for a living on a day to day basis. But hey, that’s one way to keep the mystery alive.”
“Closes work laptop and opens other laptop they purchased on Black Friday to work on personal projects like maybe that screenplay they’ve been working on for years but only making ‘notes’ in their head but maybe it’s time to finally get it on paper and see whats what. Or, if they’re being honest, to check out some porn.”
“Lets machine go to screensaver until tomorrow morning which will be here before they know it but they fully realize they will have stress dreams about their job in the interim because it takes up too much of their life and defines way too much of their perception of self-worth and maybe they should do something like that but their schedule is so packed at the moment and their bandwidth is so low that they simply can’t figure out when they might even think about fitting in therapy.”
“Slides laptop into designer knockoff messenger bag and on the way out of the office alerts everyone that they’re leaving a little bit early for an appointment followed by a recreational activity that they’ve had on the calendar as an early out for months but still they will be vaguely available out of pocket if someone really needs them but to please not contact them unless it’s an absolute emergency, which is a very nebulous term.”
“Disconnects from the daily grind to gaze into abyss for the foreseeable future.”
