Nonsensical Things You Could Say in Your Next Work Meeting, If You Want
Nobody will know what you mean, yourself included, but it’ll be provocative.
We’re just gonna have to make room on the raft, even if we’ve got to add some rotten planks.
Boy oh boy, this is all starting to look like a gala where all the divas were dressed by dullards and the red carpet is made of bologna and rigatoni.
We’re reaching the end of the second blood moon phase, which means it’s about time we ask ourselves if this angle is really going to be worth the dangle or if we’re better served sacrificing the stallion to a conglomerate of cake-eating wannabe ruffians.
Look, some people still need a ladder even to get to the low-hanging fruit.
Feels like we’re spending a lot of time forging a hacksaw that won’t cut through soft butter here — mostly because we’re trying to make it out of the shed hair of ex-partners in pitch-black darkness.
There are two types of people in this world: those who circle back and those who rhombus ahead. Who’re you gonna be?
You can’t scrape the mayo off a potato salad, especially one that comes with such a heavy helping of supreme fuckery.
We started at rock bottom and now we’re somewhere down in the depths of the ocean that haven’t as yet been discovered by humanity, and what’re we poised to do? Focus group the extraterrestrials that have been living down there.
We’ve just gotta mine the cacophony that comes from the crushing silence.
At the end of the fiscal quarter it’s going to come down to if we can finally reach a quorum regarding whether this cult is going to be started in a cornfield or a corner store.
You’d have to be a stronger, braver person than any of us to try and deconstruct a Gusher.
Sometimes you need to find a way to cajole the stork into endorsing a gently used diaper full of broken dreams.
We’re looking to create the kind of consumer experience that’ll stick with you in a way akin only to something as impactful as when you make eye contact with a stranger through the crack in the bathroom stall door.
Sometimes you gotta put a mustache on a moose and see if it miraculously grows of its own accord.
If you look hard enough, there’s a pegasus in every pantry.
If you bread it and fry it you don’t have to slap it in the ass too. That’s just superfluous, not to mention absolutely not in scope.
You just have to believe we’ll find a way to make sangria out of this soap dish and dirty pair of socks.
I feel as though we’re failing to fully consider how the waterfowl paradox can collide with the lame duck dilemma in this scenario, and it’s probably going to be detrimental to the whole vibe we’re going for with this innovative activation.
You can put sprinkles on a sand dollar but it’s not going to give you a particularly satisfying sugar rush.
What we’re trying to do here is create a concept so disruptive and jarring that it gives an element of surprise you might experience when you bear witness to a short king who shows up at the YMCA for late-evening pickup and totally balls out in jeans and a cutoff flannel.
We won’t be able to rent a trampoline powerful enough to enable any of us to slap glass in time to finally beat the bat out of the cave, and I guess we’re all going to have to live with that.
I’d say that for once we should really consider letting the snake out inside the house and leave all the doors wide open, so it has the option to leave if it wants, and see if it decides to stay. Know what I mean?
