This Is Who I Am
Just thought you should know.
I am 200-ish pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal that always carries around a little extra weight, much of which is existential.
I am a shell of a human being who attempts to fill the void with a conglomeration of ideas shot out of a mind cannon rocket-fueled by extreme bouts of anxiety and reminders of crippling regret, and the well never seems to run completely dry.
I am several tins of Zyn haphazardly stacked, with a human being attached.
I am almost definitely the most sensitive person you’ll ever have the displeasure of meeting.
I am the only true answer to the question “Why am I like this?”
I am verbose to the extent of taking it to ad nauseam at all times.
I am the one your mother wanted you to meet when she didn’t know much about me at all, but then eventually things change and if you asked her now she’d tell you without pulling punches that you should run, potentially screaming, in the other direction.
I am half an online persona who has been pretending for so long that he doesn’t even know what’s really real all of the time some of the time.
I am a fierce dreamer whose dreams completely freak him out on a pretty regular basis, and yet are often pursued anyway in the absence of rational and self-protective reasoning, and it seems most often the night terror type variety are the ones that win out and come true.
I am a soft voice that types oh so goddamn loudly.
I am the type of person who is always making changes for the better and for “just in case,” like, who has made a habit out of putting the toilet seat down, if you should ever choose to come back.
I am in control of a single, semi-cohesive narrative but actually maybe it’s gone off the rails a bit, given that it seems the plot is always getting lost.
I am a grown man who has been in a rebuilding season since 1987.
I am a bar you might call home if you play your cards right and one that is always stocked with mid-shelf whiskey.
I am sure not a player, and this can be proven by the fact that I do not fuck a lot.
I am the series of mistakes you make and the kind of disappointment you sometimes can’t help but confuse with the idea of love.
I am below a bar that is already set pretty astoundingly low, like beneath rock bottom, wherever that is, and you can only really know for sure if you’ve definitely been there, but if for some reason you need directions: Practice, practice, practice and then go way left.
I am the kind of person who listens and observes and then lets it all out, because you never show up without ammo and you don’t bring a throw-away barb to an all-out verbal sparring match made for spewing perfectly crafted hatred.
I am the halfway point to either your peak or demise, a human choose-your-own-adventure prompt.
I am someone who can’t be put in a box and who has never found a way to properly or articulately describe himself.
I am the amalgamation of all I’ve done and experienced, which has always been more than enough, and I am on a never-ending search for psychological alchemy.
I am just some dude constantly contemplating how I do not have the faintest clue where to go from here, but who doesn’t see another viable option aside from choosing to stick around, wherever that may be, until he finally sees what happens and how things end.