Gift Yourself
I know, we’ve heard it before
Usually we’re encouraged to treat ourselves to the finer things in life purely at the tail end of a sales campaign. I’m going to tell you off the bat, the original post had an affiliate to a jeweler which I will remove here on Medium. I sought them out specifically because I knew I’d write this post. And now I’ll tell you why.
Gifting Self 101
There’s something really special about being able to get what you want for yourself. People will buy you gifts they think you’ll like and you’d never want to display anything less than gratitude for their kindness and consideration. Even though in the back of your mind you might feel a tiny, niggling bit of disappointment.
It goes the other way, too. I often dread buying gifts for people because I don’t know what to get them. I worry so much I’ll get them something they hate that I end up buying a gift card and being done with it.
But I’m human, I want people to love my gifts. So I get mildly annoyed when gift-giving time comes because I feel like if that person had adequately expressed themselves I wouldn’t have to guess. (see how I turned that around on them — it’s a skill :-))
Epiphany!
Not long ago I started treating myself to things. Not big things, just, a book or a scarf or a little something that I see and want badly. But I had to jump through some hurdles before taking the plunge. I had to figure out why I wasn’t treating myself already.
What I realized is that it’s hella hard to get yourself something, just because. As women, we teach ourselves that giving to others is good, giving to self is bad. We have to need something before we’ll buy it. Or, if we do manage to convince ourselves to buy it we feel so guilty and apologize so much it takes all the fun out of it.
I thought about all the times I received jewelry or clothes or household decor items that, while lovely, weren’t my style. I pretended to love every one. Made a fuss over how wonderful and perfect they was because really, a gift is about someone doing you a kindness, no matter what it is. I was grateful for that and the fuss was justified.
But then I decided I could get my own jewelry that I might actually wear. Ding dong.
Getting from here to there
How did I get over the “dire need” necessity?
I turned whatever I bought into a need and not just a want. I mean, I can’t get caught at a dinner party with the wrong earrings, it would negatively affect my career. That’s my bread-and-butter, after all. No excuse for not having the right earrings. (Please use these tips responsibly — if you are a shopaholic do not blame me for your addictive behavior. This advice is not for you.)
How did I combat the feelings of guilt and shame?
I realized the next time someone I love gives me a gift that’s not me, I won’t feel a moment of disappointment because I truly already have everything I want and need. The gift can be just what it’s supposed to be, a gift from the heart. I can enjoy the joy of the giver without a moment’s hesitation. And I can appreciate that that person took time out of their life to try to find something perfect for me.
Maybe even you don’t know what you’d like. Take a trip over to my post about Valentine’s Day and all those things I recommended doing for your boo, do for yourself. Find out what you like. I like jewelry and would love a trip to France so I’m going to get myself both. 🙂
There’s always the possibility that eventually, once people see what you actually like, they’ll follow suit. But you can’t get mad at someone for not knowing who you are when you don’t show them.
What about you? What’s the best gift you ever gave yourself?
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Originally published at https://www.booksbyava.com on July 12, 2019.
