Mom Phoneland
I know they give out about mothers with their phones on and their noses in them, quite a bit. I know eyes roll if I’m out and about, kids in tow and I check my phone. I can honestly say if it wasn’t for my phone, I would have gone loop de loop long ago.
And I’m totally ok with that.
In the days before mobile phones I believe mothers the world around looked to neighbours and friends to visit them to maintain a level of human contact and so often that didn’t happen. Many women were treated for “Hysteria” and I can assure you, I would have been in that pack, leading that group. I come from a long line of Hytericals and I’m sure I would have been another one for the family tree.
Except I have my mobile.
See, I have text chats with my circle of mum friends over the course of my day, working mums, stay at home mums, self employed mums and my best mum friend and occasionally I check into Facebook to see whats going on…and this little smidge of contact lifts me, gives me my much longed for company and means I don’t scream or lose my shit as often as my own mother did. I can stay connected to the little bit of outside world that isn’t a play centre or playground or school gate. Somewhere far beyond the rainbows where real people live.
My bubble of Mom-dom is great. I’m busy feeding, cleaning, tidying, entertaining, feeding, tidying, cleaning and feeding. If I have a snippet in between arts-n-crafts, large mess and vacuum cleaning that’s a chat with my friend, on the other side of Dublin, who’s picking up raspberries off the floor, then that keeps me motivated and connected. That makes me feel about 50% less lonely…and less crazy, cause I know I’m not the only one on this hamster wheel.
People don’t tell you about the tangible loneliness that comes with motherhood or staying at home with children. They don’t mention that you could easily go days without a grown up conversation. And a little part of my soul breaks the less adult human contact I have. I’ll never forget when I had an emergency section and they advised me not to drive for 6 weeks! 6 weeks?! It was like a sentence! My home was like a prison cell. I would come down the stairs in the morning, look around and think “No, not here, again”.
What I do 99.9% of the day is for the other people in my family. I rarely feel like myself because of it. I don’t remember me before I had children. I know I had a career but I don’t recognise me. Every now and then I stop and try remind myself what I was like “before”. I’ve certainly lost a large part of my personality and I miss it. I miss me. But then I remember I’m too busy and I get going again.
A chat and a moan about it to others who give a simple nod, virtually speaking, and get it and get you, changes everything. I feel they’re connecting to me. Not kids or family, just me.
This is my crutch.
And I’m fine with it. Because the alternative is lonely and dark. It’s not perfect but I’ve come to terms with it. It’s a necessity for me to be a calmer person and a calmer mum.
So next time you see a mum out and about and maybe she checks her phone or you see her sending a text, don’t give out, don’t roll your eyes, think that maybe this is one little bit of a small connection she needs to just get her through the day.
