Choose your words

Communication Etiquette for the Digital Project Manager

Don’t EVER say this.

Have you ever been hurt or offended by something a colleague has said to you?

One minute you’re having a good day, you’re working through a complex problem, then a colleague comes along and makes an offhand comment that sh*ts all over your vibe and makes you feel terrible. That sucks, it really sucks. You think to yourself “that was so unfair and uncalled for. What a $%^&# meanie.” To them it was just a few words, but to you this manner and way in which they spoke them cuts like daggers.

What is a mean-ie?

“a mean, cruel or small-minded person.“

Do you think you’ve ever been that meanie before? I bet you have; I know I have. I’m not talking about being an outright a-hole, I don’t need to write an article on why that’s no good. I’m talking about the things we say, sometimes on the daily, that affect others negatively without us even realizing it. A smattering of regular words here or there that hurt people because of how or when we say them can inadvertently offend and upset our teammates and derail our communication.

Be Human

It’s tough being a project manager. On one side we thrive in the craziness: creative challenges, ups, downs, obstacles. We love that no day is the same. But on the other side, we’re pushed to our limits, shrinking away and suffering panic, anxiety, frustration, and fear. We feel like no one understands us. In our isolation, we can get mean.

But here’s the thing. You make a choice in your role each day: either to be a meanie, or to be human. When a project goes south and blows up in your face, you will get stressed. You might have a client putting pressure on you, a boss demanding updates, or you feel like everything is flying at you from all angles. It’s easy to take out your grumpy bad mood on anyone around you. Imagine this salt in your wound: you’re having a bad day, and nothing’s going right. Then someone on your team makes a mistake that tanks the project scope. It’s the last thing you want to deal with right now, but you have to stop what you’re doing and help work through a resolution. What do you do?

Before you speak, think.

Take a step back, breathe, and think about the best way to remedy the scope tank issue. As project managers we need to practice patience, empathy and understanding. There’s two sides to every coin. Speak to your colleague and work through the cause and effect. Then together make a plan to mitigate the issue. We’re human, which means we make mistakes. Nothing and no-one is perfect. By practicing empathy with our teams, we build trust — and with trust comes improved communication and a happier group of people to work with!

What did you say?

Let’s take a look at some common words and phrases which our teams can misread.

‘Just’
This one is top of the list for a reason. Using ‘just’ in a sentence can be belittling without you even realizing it. “Can you just make this little code update?” “I just need you to tweak this thing in the design.” Quite often it’s never ‘just’ — there’s a ripple effect to any change or update. By changing a small line of code, it could mess up a core feature or workflow. Instead of inserting ‘just,’, try outlining the change you want and asking for the best solution from your team.

‘ASAP’
Let me be clear, ‘ASAP’ is not a deadline. By inserting ‘ASAP’ into the ask, you create urgency and sometimes panic. Outline your expectations clearly, agree together on realistic timing. You might need to help reprioritize workload.

‘Quick’
Much like ‘ASAP,’ ‘quick, quicker or quickly’ are disrespectful ways of rushing an ask. I’ve heard stories about management coming into the office and asking the team to work more quickly Nope, this is not cool. We ain’t no sweatshop! This is a classic example of instilling fear and panic in the team. The result? Stress that leads to burnout and mistakes.

‘I’m not an art director but…’
Hate to say it, but I’ve said something similar to this before, whilst doing the hovering art director stance. Don’t ever say this. If you’re providing creative input, have a rationale to backup your feedback.

‘We’re over budget’
I see you already already disagreeing with me on this one. I know this is important to communicate to the team, but there’s a way in which to do it, depending on the situation. Don’t make it a blame game, rather a learning experience. Remember, the budget is ultimately our responsibility, so if the team is going over, first understand why before making it your team’s burden.

‘Well…’
Let’s be honest, nothing great comes after someone’s starts a sentence with “Well…” — often with an upward inflection and frown face. It can come across passive aggressive if you’re providing constructive criticism.

Be Aware

So much of our job is about schedules, documents, spreadsheets, budgets, and time tracking that we forget to be human. We all have bad days, but we have to remember not to bring our teams down.

Be aware of yourself and your behaviour. When the going gets tough, try to invoke the spirits of these key traits which make us so darn good at our jobs — and our communication:

• Patience
• Understanding
• Empathy
• Trust
• Respect

Let’s make a pact not to be meanies. Instead, let’s all be humans of impeccable word.

Originally published on Everyday DPM — Bringing you Digital Project Management inspiration every damn day.