Dear Roommate: An Open Letter

Dear roomie,

Thank you for putting up with the craziness that is myself. Thank you for being my sounding-board day in and day out, whether in our dorm room or at the dining halls or on our way to class. Thank you for literally crying with me and for laughing with me too. Thank you for always quirking an eyebrow and “admiring” my pill-swallowing skills. Thank you for rallying behind me after every doctor’s appointment and every blood test. Thank you for being the sister I never knew I wanted, yet have always needed.

I want you to know that when I firmly insist that you go on without me — to that movie premiere (we are in LA, after all!), to that acapella concert, to that dinner with friends — I am doing so not because I’m mad or because I’m blowing you off, but rather because I truly do want you to go and enjoy yourself. It makes me happy to see you happy, and I truly do love hearing you come back with stories about all your fun adventures.

I want you to know that when I give you a smile that we both know is fake after you ask how I’m feeling, I’m not trying to keep things from you because of a lack of trust. On the contrary, I just don’t want you to worry. I hate when you see me sick or in pain because I hate the fear and concern marring your face. I love you like a sister, and I’ll always want to protect you from seeing that side of the world, the side of sickness and unpredictable pain. Yet, please know that I do trust you, and I know and appreciate and love the fact that you’ll be there to listen if and when I’m ready to express how my health really is that day.

I want you to know that sometimes, it’s okay to not choose me. I want you to study for that Chemistry quiz and write that Communications paper, and if that means you leave me in bed while you go to the library to study, by all means, please do. I’ll always be able to take care of myself, and while I do love having you by my side, I love seeing your individual successes in school even more.

I want you to know that I cherish the healthy moments more than ever, but I cling to the sick ones too. One of my favorite memories is when we cancelled all the rest of our plans one Friday night to sit on your bed, eat M&Ms, and watch a movie, while we were laughing until we cried and crying until we laughed again. That day, I was overwhelmed by the sickness and the destruction it left in its path, the emotional turmoil and the academic catching-up to do, and I was racked with guilt about coming home from class every day that week either exhausted or in tears. You saw that I wouldn’t be able to hang out with our friends that night, and without skipping a beat, you smiled and asked whether I would be okay with staying in and watching a movie instead. I so appreciate how you were accommodating to what I needed without making me feel like I put a damper on your plans (I’d like to think that we may have even had a bit more fun by staying!).

I want you to know that I would never want to do-over a single moment so far, sick and healthy, laughing and crying. I love and appreciate you, roomie, more than I can express.

Love always,

Amy