To Celebrate or Not to Celebrate? My Sickaversary
Sickaversary (noun): a term coined by my ten-year-old self to commemorate one’s anniversary of being diagnosed with a chronic illness; in essence, a diagnosis anniversary.
Every year when the holidays roll around, the infectious joy of the season is electric through the air. Between Christmas, Hanukkah, and other celebrations, the end of December is a momentous time for many, and my family is no exception. Following Christmas, we celebrate my cousin’s birthday on the 26th and my mom’s birthday on the 29th. After a day of reprieve on the 30th, the festivities continue for New Year’s Eve and then for New Year’s itself. That all changed in 2008 upon my diagnosis with Ulcerative Colitis.
I distinctly remember my ten-year-old body racked with pain as I sat at the dining table, family gathered around, to sing my mom “Happy Birthday.” Having to prep for a colonoscopy the day of her birthday was less than ideal, but given my state of health, we had no choice but to schedule it for December 30th. Thus, there I sat, blankly staring at yet another bowl of green Jell-O. When I noticed my mom’s worried expression hiding behind her smile, it was clear that my pain had marred her special day. The singing commenced, a tad bit more withdrawn than usual, the joyful lyrics tinged with an air of worry. To dispel this somber mood, I quirked an eyebrow and jokingly said, “Today is time for mom! But don’t worry, tomorrow after the procedure we can celebrate my ‘health’ with more cake.” Little did I know how relevant that statement would prove to be.
The 30th soon came, bringing with it a badge of accomplishment at going through my first colonoscopy and a newfound title of “Ulcerative Colitis patient.” The next years were a dish of new treatments peppered with doctors’ visits and medical testing, served cold with a side of denial. Every time the holiday season came around, I ensured to plaster a smile on my face in the hopes that if I projected enough happiness, it would somehow override the memory of December 30th, 2008. It took me a few years until this facade of joy became a reality.
As I started to view Ulcerative Colitis not as a burden that chains me down but rather as a unique obstacle that has taught me far more than any textbook could, I learned to accept December 30th as a day of celebration. I was able to live out this newfound appreciation when I donated my hair to Locks of Love for the first time, purposefully on December 30th. I viewed it as empowerment, a way to pass on the token of health to those that needed it more than I did. To me, that’s what being a patient is all about: learning to channel your diagnosis into something positive, not only to supplement your own personal development, but also to help alleviate the similar struggles that others may face.
I still continue to donate my hair and pass on the token of health every other year to celebrate my sickaversary. It’s not a celebration or party in the traditional sense, but rather a personal time of reflection and gratitude, a feeling of humility and pride. As I reflect on my journey as a patient, I am humbled by how much I have learned both about myself and about human nature. A sense of gratefulness enraptures my being as I take pride in my body’s high pain tolerance and ability to be a part of a resilient community of fellow IBD patients.
Whether or not a patient chooses to celebrate his/her sickaversary is a matter of personal choice. Some may not even remember the date of their diagnosis, while others may try hard to forget. However, I do choose to remember and celebrate my sickaversary, not out of a morbid mindset or melancholy attitude, but out of humility and appreciation. I choose to celebrate because to me, it’s a way to choose peace and happiness, a way to gain back my strength and power over my disease. I choose to celebrate because it reminds me of the joy that can be found in being an Ulcerative Colitis patient. That is why every December 30th, I will wake up with an everlasting smile and the joyful words, “Happy sickaversary!”
