Monsters hidden under beds and ferocious dogs, the stuff of our childhood nightmares [Ice Cream Sundae]
I don’t have children but it’s been great to to spend more time with my little nieces and nephew this year. I was with them recently and they were choosing an animated movie to watch. They clamoured for Totoro, which they’ve seen before. During a scene taking place at night with wind blowing through the trees, the younger one (Three years old) got scared and went to her mother. It’s not the first time I have seen her frightened, and it’s interesting to remind myself how impressive things can be to a little one.
It made me think of my own childhood fears. My elder brother is seven years older than I am. He thought it would be fun to create the myth of the monster living under my bed. I must have been four or five. I don’t remember the exact details but I remember he foreshadowed the monster’s existence with stories. He would then confirm it by waiting under my bed and grabbing my ankle when I tried walking off it. I was absolutely terrified.
I tried developing strategies for avoiding the monster. I’d check under the bed before getting out of it. I’d throw a stuffed toy or something to check if the monster was around. I’d even stand up on the side of the bed and jump as far as I could from it to avoid the danger zone. It seems silly now but back then the fear was real.
Before moving to France, we visited Disney World in Florida. My brother wanted to go on the Space Mountain ride. It was probably enough for him to tell me the ride was in the dark for me to be afraid of it. A classic childhood fear. So the game was that every time we went on a ride with our father or mother he would tell me that it was in fact Space Mountain, thus freaking me out.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I thought Space Mountain was the kind of place where the monster under my bed and all other boogeymen hung out when they visited Disney World. Reading about it, fear of the dark is hard-wired in human beings, an evolutionary advantage we developed for survival. This particular theory is suggested in an article published by Isaac M. Marks and Randolph M. Nesse.
As a species we’re particularly vulnerable to predators who very often hunt at night. Other animals can see in the dark but we can’t. Most of us overly rely on our sense of sight compared to other senses. The dark removes that so we experience a lack of control, feeling vulnerable. Of course it’s not only evolutionary, we also learn fear and anxiety responses from our parents (and siblings, perhaps). Other researchers, starting with Freud, suggest that fear of the dark is a manifestation of the fear of separation, one of the first experienced by babies and small children.
Falling is another classic fear, as are dreams about it. When I was a child I would occasionally dream of being on a really high swing. I would swing higher and higher, until my seat wasn’t connected to anything and then I would swing out of the seat, in free fall. I’d be really scared when waking up. Even now, I still hate the sensation of falling. I haven’t had this type of dream since then. Apparently falling dreams are one the most common shared human experiences, though I didn’t find reputable sources to back up these claims.
I also remember once specific experience when I was a small child that scared me. The way I remember it, my brother was watching a film on TV, possibly with my father or with a friend. In the movie the main characters were climbing a mountain. They are sheltered in a cave at one point and suffering from frostbite, or something similar. Someone cuts off a part of another character’s hand and I remember being absolutely horrified. I’ve tried to figure out what the movie was but haven’t so far. If you have an idea of what it might be, give me a shout.
After fear of separation and fear of the dark, dogs or other animals are another common source of fear for children. After we had moved to France, I would go to an International School twice a week with my elder brother to have classes in English. The rest of the time I was going to the local school in French. To go to the “big school” we had to get up early in the morning, at that time of year it was still dark, and get on a bus. There was a shortcut to the bus stop walking up a wooded path that saved a really long time walking around it. If the path wasn’t scary enough by night in the woods, there was also a ferocious dog guarding the back of a garden. I’d be certain it was going to free itself of the crumbling fence and basically eat me.
Halloween is coming up, and while it might seem to be only an over-commercialised event, there is value and fun it taking it as an opportunity to help children experience, talk, and even face some of their fears.
When I arrived in the South of France for Halloween last year, I was surprised to find out that trick or treating is becoming a thing here too. I went around my brother’s village with my nieces and some of their friends to knock on doors. The little one was afraid but candy was a strong motivator for her to push beyond her fears. We have an opportunity to help them realise the fears they have aren’t that dangerous or scary, and it’s a chance to laugh in the face of what scares them. With enough laughs the fears can disappear.
It’s not just about the kids though, we all have fears (or anxieties, to use a more grown up word), some we might know are kind of silly and that we still hold on to. It could be things we don’t say, that might seem small but then accumulate. We might be concerned with what people think of us in some situations. It could be a fun idea to use the cover of Halloween parties to face some of those, maybe even make them disappear. Who knows, It could inspire your costume this year!
This sounds like a great excuse to make this a two part email and write about Halloween grown up parties and costumes next week.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Cheers
This newsletter was originally published via email on the 18th October 2015. You can sign up to receive Ice Cream Sundae via email on the Ice Cream for Everyone website.
