The Accord— a Theory of “Self”
I’m not sure what to do with what I’ve written here.
I think it’s a bit esoteric, or — maybe insanity?
I’m not sure I can predict how or why this will be useful to you.
This has been personally enlightening and cathartic to write about, but I feel a sense of apprehension and vulnerability in sharing it.
I’m not sure what to expect.
Before we dive in, here are some important disclaimers:
I am not an expert in Psychology.
I am not an expert in Philosophy.
For these two subjects I have very little formal education. In an academic sense, the credibility I possess to make this case is bolstered by a portfolio of nearly zero items. I will not claim to be an expert or authority figure on topics such as “self-mastery”, “quantum psychology”, “cognitive functionality” or anything of similar psychoanalytical zest.
I am just some fella.
Know that I don’t expect you to take this as gospel.
That being explicitly said, I am willing to credit myself with this: I am a fella with decent aptitude for understanding people. It began when I found it necessary to try and understand myself, which is something I wish I had done many years earlier.
For context, here’s the brief story about why I’m writing this.
The “aptitude” I mentioned above grew substantially when I began to take conscious effort to unravel my own psyche, which I believe I started to do about 8 years ago. I now believe that you are better suited to understand others when you have a better understanding of yourself; your personal desires, your avoidances, strengths, privileges, resources, limitations, boundaries, etc. But “figuring myself out” wasn’t something I could hope to comprehend in an afternoon. It took years to get the groundwork set. It took years to figure out there was even groundwork to be set in the first place. There’s still so much to do and, well, there always will be. Why?
Probably because I’ll never want to stop transforming.
One of the first things I learned about myself is that I am constantly tuning my perspective and seeking growth. This is a good thing I believe, as stagnation of the self seems to be death for the imagination. If things stay the same too long I become increasingly restless and anxious. In familiar settings, I’ll spend less and less time engaged in the predictability of the present moment. Mentally and emotionally, I wander off. When I am in this particular state I can be kind of a shitty human.
So, I interrogate myself. I look within and seek audience with my inner voices. “Outside Me” asks “Inside Me” why I am so agitated. I task myself with finding a way to transform out of it. I make an active effort to stop burdening the people I care about with the weight of my selfish boredom. New experiences are sought out to excite my mind and body and often I emerge with a different view of life. Something fresh is gained as something old is shed.
Cool.
A mildly narcissistic take, maybe.
What’s my point?
I believe I’ve made headway in mapping out “how I work”, based on the idea that I can engage with my “inner voice”. I think I’ve made some sense of a number of my “states of being”, which I can reflect upon. This is because of my internal dialogue. I became aware of the possibility that the actions I carry out in the world are the results of some form of mind/body agreement which takes place within, before I take action, regardless of my complete awareness. There is some sort of “inner discourse” happening.
The breakthrough for me at that point was that I began forming some kind of hypothesis about “the self”. I began to focus on understanding this “inner discourse” or “discussion”. My first conclusion was that “discourse” can only take place between two rational goal-seeking “beings”. Unironically, the more I contemplated this, the more I noticed signs of divisibility in myself: who I am on the outside versus who I am on the inside. There were so many facets to this that it began to scramble my brain.
Internally, I’ll ask a question. Almost instantly, some “answers” are mentally manifested, usually with some sort of supporting dialogue in favor of one or more “answers”. Hello? Is someone in there?? Who is the “me” answering the question if there is a “me” asking one? I continued to contemplate this.
At the time, I didn’t realize I was formulating some kind of theoretical model of “self” that works for me.
And, simply put, it works for me. This is all I can conclude at the present time. It might be insanity.
Here’s where I’m at so far.
The Accord — At minimum, you are two.
The entire foundation of this model of “self” relies on the understanding of this hypothetical: “You” are a string of conversations between a duality of body and mind. You are, at minimum, two unified forces of identity which communicate with each other to make sense of the world, your place in it, and what you can do with what you know. You are not two different people. You are still the one person you know yourself to be. The mindset I want you to momentarily humor is this: imagining yourself as two identities conversing through a series of dialogues opens up a platform for something important: self-negotiation.
“The Accord” is your total self; body, mind, spirit, soul, conscious, hands, eyes, feelings, needs, goals, fears, etc. It’s the complete collection of human properties both physical and metaphysical. The Sun and Moon. The literal Head and the metaphorical Heart. A syzygy of flesh and thought.
“The Accord” is built upon a union of two conversing “identities”: The “Caliber” and the “Ulterior”. To clarify “The Accord” and subsequent “identities” in the fewest words, consider them to be “the total connection of mind and body”. I will go into detail as to why the identities of “The Accord” technically differ from those two digestible terms, just know that the essence of “mind” and “body” is simply a good foundation to build upon. What’s important is recognizing their symbiotic nature and the impact each has on your day-to-day.
The idea of dividing yourself up into two identities allows us to assign some “areas of expertise” to these identities. This gives an identity a set of responsibilities which they have to manage. These two identities, much like two people in a real-life relationship, have to possess some sense of respect for each other in order to function smoothly. It’s no mistake that the unification of these two identities is called “The Accord”, as harmony between them is ideal. They have to trust each other to communicate effectively.
Did I mention I’m not a psychologist or a philosopher? Are you taking this all with a grain of salt? Remember, this isn’t an academic paper* on something I’ve proven to exist using measurable data, and I will never claim it to be so. This theory is not refined. It is not “academically sophisticated”. It has room for improvement. Despite all of that, I firmly believe that this model is communicating something important. I haven’t figured out exactly what it is yet, but I believe it has something to do with learning to negotiate with yourself. That’s where it seemed to help me.
*Okay, so I wrote my thesis about this, but it really doesn’t count.
Anyway, time to get down to brass tacks. I talked a lot about “identities” above. So, let’s identify them:
There are two “identities”; “the Caliber” which is similar in broad concept to “body”, and “the Ulterior” which is similar in broad concept to “mind”. These two identities each operate on three aspects*:
1. An aspect which you have DIFFICULT CONSCIOUS CONTROL.
2. An aspect which you have FLEXIBLE CONSCIOUS CONTROL.
3. An aspect with which you have ABSTRACTED CONSCIOUS CONTROL.
*These three aspects of operation will become clearer as they are introduced in the sections below.
Next we’ll define the identities and their responsibilities/levels of operation.
Accord Identity 1/2: “The Caliber “— What you exhibit and what you execute using your physical body.
“The Caliber” identity is your physical identity and exterior presence in the World, with and without your intent. These are things that another person can observe about you and/or things they may use to reasonably “measure” you as an individual. The important part to know about “the Caliber” is that it encompasses everything about your identity in the physical world, which people can use to make sense of who you are. I choose to use the word “Caliber” to describe this half of “the Accord” because the word suggests interpretations of characteristics both qualitative and quantitative. I believe the “self” in any form is equally both and neither.
The responsibilities of “the Caliber” are enforced through these three levels of operation:
Level 1: “The Canvas” — Your exterior self as observed by your unchangeable/intrinsic physical attributes. (Difficult Control)
A stranger tells you that the blue of your eyes is intoxicating. Your left knee is always a little stiff because of a car accident decades ago. You want to have a well-groomed beard like your friend but your own grows in thin and wiry. If left cold and stationary for too long, your pinky and ring fingers lose color and feeling.
This is your body in it’s rawest form. The flesh and bone which make up your exterior self. Depending on your self-image and/or personal goals, these things could be the purest gifts to your identity or thorns in your side which you believe to hinder your growth.
Some examples of “the Canvas” may be:
1. The shape of your shoulders
2. The way you smile without being told to
3. The sound of your voice
4. Your natural movements
5. Your reactions which you cannot hide
6. Your height (without shoes)
7. A missing limb or deformation
8. Birthmarks
9. Natural complexion
10. Bone structure
Another way to refer to this aspect is “the restricted public self”. Though you possess “unchangeable physical attributes”, this doesn’t mean that any one of them can fully define you, as feel you should be “defined”. This applies to all people. These observable attributes may be physically present and externally visible (to varying degrees), but know that what people cannot change about their exterior form may be subjects of personal sensitivity. Verbal acknowledgment or any form of exposure/attention to these things may be considered a “personal attack”. If you respect how you define yourself, you will respect how others do also.
This aspect of operation is “difficult control”. The critical part of “the Canvas” is your personal stance on your own “unchangeable conditions”. One may choose to accept, deny, or ignore them. Either way, you must adapt or adopt to find personal closure. Few of these things are truly “unchangeable”, but they are often complicated to manipulate. For example: I chose to exclude “gender” in the above list. Politics aside; I’d say that the term has expanded beyond the sophistication of this hypothetical model. To me, the term “gender” appears to now be only adjacent to “the body”, instead of a direct reference to. This is a good thing, but it is also a complicated thing.
The warning: Your attitude towards your unchangeable attributes may have affects on the way you are perceived. Consider this: many of these are things you have little choice in, thus how they are perceived by others may be out of your control. Often these are an intrinsic condition of you, with which there is little-to-no wiggle room in debating. As similarly stated above, you may either loathe them, celebrate them, or ignore them. Regardless, you possess a body with attributes, which ideally should be celebrated or ignored, am I correct? If this is understood, consider forgiving people who also possess intrinsic conditions and hope they will return the favor.
Level 2: “The Conversation” — Your exterior self as observed by your actions and choices. (Flexible Control)
You’re feeling young and lively today, so you threw on that blue sundress. Cautiously reaching out, you shoo a yellowjacket away from an unsuspecting child’s can of pop. You say words that are conscientious on paper, but your partner knows sarcasm when they hear it. The artistic energy flows from your fingertips as you spray paint the word “fart” onto a new street sign. A couple years of weight-training has earned you the bicep size you dreamed of when you started. You’re acting upon the decisions you’ve processed mentally.
These are the effects you impose upon the physical world around you with which you are making a decision to do so. You are expressing, celebrating, rebelling, conforming, all by the choice of your hand. You have a lot more control over these things because they are not intrinsically adhered to your skeleton with sinew and tissue. This area of operation is “flexible control” because you can make conscious decisions to have a desired influence on how you are perceived.
Some examples of “the Conversation” may be:
1. The changes you contemplate and then actualize in the physical world.
2. The dialogue you choose to speak.
3. The tone and volume which you use to be heard a certain way.
4. The clothing you choose to wear to portray a mood of “today’s you”.
5. The tattoo on your neck that says “Bite Me”.
6. How you choose to manipulate your environment and the tangible changes you cognitively enact.
“The Conversation” aspect could also be referred to as “the implicit public self”. You make a decision then execute it: as a result the decision made becomes reflective of “you” in the external world. This “reflection” may not be a desired or intended effect, but you possess implicit ownership of these actions because you carried them out*. A decision to spit your gum on the sidewalk invites those around you to assume that you’re somebody who doesn’t care where they spit out their gum. This is important to understand because, despite the “implicit ownership” of one’s actions, there exists a caveat of leniency to things such as “first impressions”, which may be applied given the circumstance. Another example of the caveat of leniency would be actions taken while there is someone holding a gun to your head.
*Under the natural assumption that you are of sound mind and body, see “The Grey Zone” section below for more on this.
By meeting somebody only one time, you are not getting the full image of their total self to any critical degree. It matters not whether they’re a workplace acquaintance or total stranger. To get a better picture of who they are you have to; meet them again, see them wearing different clothing, hear them using different tones while speaking, observe them playing or working, view their creations, listen to the way they talk about themselves, take note of what they’re willing to reveal to you. Understand that you will never know them in a total sense, because part of who they are cannot be explicitly revealed. They can only show you so much, no matter how hard they try. The rest is inference from their actions. In my personal opinion, understanding this is a beautiful thing.
Why is this aspect called “the Conversation”? Why not call it something like “the Activity” or “the Influence”? There are two reasons. The first is that “The Conversation” is an open dialogue from the outside, regardless of if that is your intent. Just because you chose to wore a shirt with your favorite sport’s team on it doesn’t mean someone is going to stop you and say “Go Ferrets!”, but it does beckon the possibility. You chose that shirt because in your mind you root for the Ferrets and your shirt is a little glimpse into your broad interests. This goes doubly for things like art, where you’re expressing something whole and complex about yourself. “The Conversation” is a collective of both the choices you intentionally make to promote an idea of “you” in order to be better understood, and every other observable decision you enact in the physical world.
The second reason will become clearer a little later on. I’ll further explain my rationale for the naming of this aspect in a following section, as I feel it will make better sense after the “Ulterior” is introduced.
The warning: As mentioned above, this aspect of operation can carry unexpected consequences BECAUSE they are decisions of your implicit ownership. You are entitled to your decisions at the cost of being held accountable for them. As stated above, you are subscribing to a potential open dialogue when you make any conscious decision that can be observed in the physical world. It may not carry the dialogue you desire, or it simply may not have the result you desire. On the flipside: be careful about your personal biases. It is usually unfair to a stranger to “judge a book by its cover”, as they say. Though, if you observe a decision made by someone and, as a result you truly believe your safety is now at stake, remain vigilant.
Level 3: “The Grey Zone” — Things you enact in the physical world which you have very little active awareness of. (Abstracted Control)
“The Grey Zone” of the “Caliber” is where bodily things, naturally unbeknownst to you or not, are taking place externally. This aspect of operation is “abstracted conscious control” due to the complexity of or hyper-acute influence you can consciously assert within this operation.
The first and most important aspect of this level of operation is the constant intake of external sensory. Your ears are always listening. Your eyes, when open, are always scanning. The tips of your fingers are assessing every surface you touch. Your lungs take in oxygen and you exhale carbon dioxide. All of these things are operating normally until they need to send an urgent message. The “urgent message” is usually where the second aspect of “the Grey Zone” takes place, being your knee-jerk instincts.
An easy example of the second aspect would be the unconscious use of your eyes. As you’re driving through a sleepy suburban area early in the morning, something toaster-sized darts from a lawn and into the road just ahead of you. You slam on the brakes and successfully avoid hitting a rabbit. You didn’t really have the time to choose this reaction, as your driver instincts took over in the blink of an eye. Another example of this kind of reaction would be the sudden yanking of your wrist away from the edge of a blazing hot skillet. This is because I’m an idiot and thought it would be funny to slap my partner’s cheese omelet like a bag of Portland cement. Though my reaction time was remarkable, I still ended up with a nasty burn.
The third aspect of “the Grey Zone” would be the conscious act of removing your conscious from your actions. You may need to read that again, it felt a little weird to write. This is commonly known as “muscle memory”. For example: a novice piano student looks down at the ivories as they play, making sure they are in the right key and hitting the correct notes as the metronome clicks away. A master pianist, blindfolded and spun around, can tap one note on the piano and figure out where to begin playing the song they’ve practiced countless times.
It is likely, after years of use, that you too can be blindfolded in front of a computer keyboard and type out a complete sentence with few errors. In fact, the more you think about typing correctly, the more errors you may actually make. The idea is that the conscious act of making a move, especially in high skill/precision circumstances, may be hindered because of the interference of mental activity. In most cases, mastery eliminates the need to consciously be present in the execution of your mastered skill.
Additional notes on the “Caliber” —
“Your body is a temple”; it’s not a bad quote to take to heart. Since the “Caliber” is essentially your body, it’s important to give it what it needs to commune with the “Ulterior” more effectively.
The “Caliber” has a secondary overall responsibility of being an energy supplier for both “identities”. The body requires food and exercise to function efficiently, and it’s probably in your realm of experience to understand that food and physical activity can positively affect your mind power. Feed the “Caliber” to empower the “Ulterior”. Again, I’ll talk more about the unity between the “Caliber” and the “Ulterior” in following sections.
There are some factors about your “external self” which overlap “the Canvas”, “the Conversation” and “the Grey Zone”. These are things such as bodily harm and/or disease. I placed “missing limb” as an example of “the Canvas”, because of the difficulty faced by such a situational permanence. A scenario where you lose a leg or a few fingers may be the result of negligence or the result of a tragedy far from your control. Regardless, you now possess a condition of external permanence which may influence how others might treat you before getting to know you on a more personal level.
The same goes for a disease you may suffer which cannot be fully identified from the outside. Infections, diseases and other health conditions can have affects on your skin, hair, complexion, etc. as well as your energy levels. Similar to limb loss, the ability to complete tasks efficiently may also be compromised. As a personal example in the flavor text of “the Canvas” section, I briefly described Reynaud’s Phenomenon, which my mother and I share. If I am outside in the cold for too long, the mobility of my hands is compromised due to numbness. It can make holding things a bit difficult after just a few minutes. This is an extremely minor condition.
Accord Identity 2/2: “The Ulterior” — What you think and what you know using your mind.
“The Ulterior” identity is what your “internal self” wants you to behave like in order to communicate and/or achieve something, with a priority on survival. Things begin to get a bit more complex as we move from “body” and “action” to “mind” and “feeling”. Understand that this area is intangible and entirely fluid. It is felt, not touched. You may be able to “see” it like a picture, but it is difficult to share it in the same way. The “Ulterior” could be identified as your metaphysical self. To many, this is the “true you”.
Consider for a moment that your mind works in two ways: your conscious “active mind” and your subconscious. This is a relatively elementary analysis of the mind and that just so happens to be perfect for my argument here.
The responsibilities of “the Ulterior” are enforced through these three levels of operation:
Level 1: “The Mirror” — Your interior self which gathers and organizes information in the pursuit of self-guidance. (Difficult Control)
While you’re out one day you encounter a dog with a vaguely familiar demeanor, which you somehow interpret as friendly enough to pat on the head — and you’re correct. A stranger approaches you on the sidewalk and jumps into a story about missing a bus to a different town, so you cut them off and apologize as you hurry along. Your boss gives you a little pay raise for “oh no reason, good job, whatever”, though your gut is telling you they’re up to something. As you look up at the night sky, a calm yet sobering feeling overtakes you.
“The Mirror” is like your subconscious in operation. It is always working to process external information quickly and as accurately as possible, looking for signs of danger, pleasure, or meaning. The “accuracy” is rationalized by analyzing a plethora of mental source material (i.e. memories, instincts, biases, etc.), which is sifted through at incredible speeds in the pursuit of relevance. Anything relevant is then relayed to the “active mind” for contemplation. The “active mind” either initiates some course of action, or you end up saying something to yourself like “What? That’s really stupid. Why did I think that?”. The cooperation between your “active mind” and “the Mirror” is tricky, because “the Mirror” wants to tell you the best “truth” it can rationalize and have you act upon it. That’s not always so simple.
I chose to call this aspect “the Mirror” because it is reflective of your individualistic experiences. These experiences become deliberate nodes of information that have an effect on your perception of the world and of yourself. This operation takes the form of both your sense of “knowing” and your sense of “intuition”, as both are reinforced by having a collection of experiences to reflect upon. This aspect of “the Mirror” harbors what you feel are “truths”; your hidden desires or motives, your habits that you aren’t even fully aware of, your defense mechanisms, broad perceptions of people and things, right and wrong analysis, sating or refusal of a nagging vice, and your best kept secrets. If you look deep inside yourself, you’ll come to know yourself.
This aspect shows you these things in your mind’s eye (so to speak) when the corresponding stimuli present themselves to you. The mental source material is sifted through, relevant connections are made and the “active mind” contemplates the next move; new action, reaction, or ignorance. Let’s substitute “Mirror” for “subconscious” again for a moment to break this down a little easier: If your subconscious keeps showing you the same “relevant mental source material” (i.e., an “anxious gut feeling*” or a totally vivid “remember what happened last time?” memory) over and over and you keep refusing to act on it, you may be in a state of delusion. You need to make a choice to believe in what you are feeling.
*More on this sensation in “the Grey Zone” section further down.
“The Mirror” could also be referred to as “the restricted private self”. Your internal library of “mental source material” is vast and not easily accessed, making this aspect of operation “difficult control”. You can try to manually change your impressions or ideas of things you encounter in life, but be prepared to fail the first few times. Though some encounters may drastically change your perception of someone/something in a mere moment, know that it often takes time, focus, and desire to change an imprinted opinion. Habits you’ve held onto for decades can be nearly impossible to break. Deep biases shared from generation to generation in your family may be extremely difficult to apply new rationale to.
The warning: a mirror can be a deceptive object. It can be concave in shape to minimize what is observed, or convex to inflate what is observed. A mirror can be warped. A mirror can get cloudy. A mirror can be cracked. If a mirror is used at a glance, it’s harmless. But if you stare deep into your own face for hours on end looking for answers, you’ll likely succumb to delusions. It’s usually good advice to trust your gut, but you first need to establish the reputation you hold with yourself as trustworthy. That alone takes patience and perception. Working on your integrity will strengthen the reliability of your “Mirror” operation.
Level 2 — “The Correspondence” — The things you contemplate within before you take real-world action. (Flexible Control)
You stand there with the refrigerator door open, weighting the dopamine rush of a slice of cheesecake against the health benefits of a pear. A couple of sweatshirts present themselves as viable options to complete your autumn outfit, but which do you choose? Before dialing on the phone in your hand, you ponder the last conversation you had with your sister to remember if there was anything specific you wanted to talk more about. You daydream about what working at a new potential job would be like as you fill out the online application for it, and you’re wondering if it’s really the smartest move for you.
“The Correspondence” is your “active mind” (as stated above) doing what it does best: processing gathered information to come to sensible conclusions. It’s a tactics table where information is spread out to be assessed. This takes place at conscious and semi-conscious levels, as well as subconscious levels simultaneously. “The Mirror” provides “relevant mental source material” to any encounter which the “active mind” processes with varying levels of scrutiny. It is important to understand that there is discussion taking place. But who else is taking part in this discussion?
It’s no mistake that this level of operation is named similarly to “the Conversation”. The primary overlap between the “Caliber” and the “Ulterior” takes place in this aspect, where “the Correspondence” of the “Ulterior” and “the Conversation” of the “Caliber” come to agreements. Consider this aspect the decisions processed BEFORE the actions are taken. Sometimes this discussion is an immediate handshake between mind and body, sometimes its a decade-long negotiation that’s frequently tabled until further notice. It is “flexible control” because there is opportunity to evaluate the necessary actions, which may or may not even need to take place.
This aspect is also referred to as “the implicit private self”. Your thoughts are free to be consciously created and processed, regardless of if you intend to share them with the World. They can come and go and don’t have to mean anything or they can be focused and deeply analytical. Again, this “freedom of thought” takes place on varying degrees of active consciousness, and at the same time subconsciously. For the sake of clarity, let’s make a couple of differentiations in this operation.
- An example of consciously operating “the Correspondence” could be: You take a few silent minutes after reading a self-help book to question the value of what was read and to strategize the application of what you learned. You fabricate mental scenarios where you’re succeeding and failing at the application to assess the reality of trying what the book encouraged.
- An example of semi-consciously operating “the Correspondence” may be: You’re repairing a broken shelving unit and you know you need a particular ratchet size, but you have enough experience with ratchets to know the one you need without multiple attempts. You can tell just by looking at it, so you’re already mentally moving on to the next step as you crank away.
In both of these instances, “the Mirror” is drawing from your previous experiences to steer “the Correspondence” in the right direction. It draws from your memories of attempting self-help to rationalize whether or not your poor behaviors are too powerful for the advice. It recognizes things your external sensory has registered hundreds of times before and accurate suggestions are relayed. Ultimately, it’s the conscious approval of “the Correspondence” which greenlights the body to take the agreed-upon action.
Additionally, the emotions you express operate on both conscious and semi-conscious levels of “the Correspondence”. Even if your choice of emotion makes very little sense, you have the ability to portray a specific emotion in most any situation. A consciously-made emotion would be like grinning as genuinely as possible when a co-worker tells you a cringe-worthy story, as an attempt to be diplomatic. Semi-conscious would be more like giving a reckless driver the “middle finger” on the highway, knowing it was probably not the nicest thing to do, but it felt good to do anyway.
The warning: Because this aspect of the “Ulterior” is focused around the notion that you are consciously or semi-consciously processing many decisions, it is important to know that just because you decide to do something and then do it, doesn't mean that you are acting on your own benefit. A version of this could be considered “addictive behavior”. The warning here is where a split in your personal agenda takes place and your “reward response” becomes extremely convincing.
I don’t have a PHD, so take the following analysis with an additional grain of salt. It is simplified, but gleaned from personal experience. Lots of people who are trying to quit smoking tobacco are bombarded with a desire to stop what they are doing to go have a smoke. This is because their bodies are used to, and now rely on, a nicotine intake to feel better than they do at the current moment (which can be anywhere from three hours to three minutes between smoke breaks).
To many smokers, much like myself when I smoked, the nicotine inflicts an opiate effect both placebo and chemical on the body. An uplift in mood is borne of a lighter’s click, and the euphoria is carried all the way through to the last puff. The rationale is that there are lots of fast positives to this habit and that the “negative effect” of it is not often observable in the present. The mind can be confused about what is good for the body, especially when it comes to instant rewards. A moment of weakness is all it takes for someone to return to a habit that took years to break.
Level 3: “The Grey Zone” — Things you process mentally which force bodily action. (Abstracted Control)
This aspect of operation is “abstracted conscious control” and can be difficult to identify and make clear sense of. This is, again, due to the intangibility of the mind, but it is also in part due to the overlap between “the Grey Zone” of the “Ulterior” and “the Grey Zone” of the “Caliber”. I vaguely eluded to this earlier in “the Grey Zone” section of the “Caliber” above, but did not explicitly state the overlap, as the “Ulterior” had yet to be introduced. Without re-stating too much about “instincts”, know that these things are related to both mind and body and often overlap in operation. This is due to the instantaneous nature of instinctual response, which often leaves little room for negotiation in the moment of occurrence.
An example of the “Ulterior's” “Grey Zone” would be a sensation such as inexplicable anxiety. Even in times of limited stressors, we are sometimes struck by an unwelcome feeling of anxiety for which we cannot discern an exact source. In the moment, we can process a magnitude of mental information in an attempt to discover a worthy rationale, but this can often result in a frustrating failure.
Anxiety is a bodily response which triggers our “fight or flight” instinct. We feel it in our chests, our heads, our hands. In severe circumstances, it can take over the body completely. Despite the physical nature of anxiety, I believe it is equally sourced in our minds. You can learn mental tactics to calm yourself down and out of an anxiety attack, but it comes from possessing a lot of experience in the matter as well as self-awareness. Even if you are consciously trying to calm yourself from the grip of anxiety, it may be out of your control, thus it must be let to pass naturally.
Sensory processing was described in “the Grey Zone” of the “Caliber” above in the context of instinctual reactivity. Similarly to that, “the Grey Zone” of the “Ulterior” carries the aspect of impulsive reactivity. For example: as you scan a buffet table for something dinner-like, a basket of cookies comes into view. Even if it’s more socially accepted as a “dessert item”, a cookie makes it on to your plate before anything else. There was no mental “negotiation”. It’s just cookie time now.
Impulse and addiction can go hand-in-hand, as both subjects tend to carry the reputations of being quick sources of dopamine. A severe addiction can be the same as an unshakable impulse, being that your mental negotiations cease to make meaningful impact on your impulse or addiction related decisions. These are things which may require external help to conquer.
Additional notes on the “Ulterior” —
“The Mirror” and “the Correspondence” like to play. This comes in the form of daydreaming or meditation-like experiences. It doesn’t have to be all work within the psyche, you can “let the dogs off the leash” every so often and allow them a chance to “wrestle around in the yard”. Letting “the Mirror” and “the Correspondence” commune for a while may be a great way to deal with mysterious anxieties or lingering woes. This mental activity can be restorative to a stressed mind.
Above, in the notes section of the “Caliber” I mentioned how feeding your body will feed your mind power. Now that I’ve established the symbiotic unity between the “Caliber” and the “Ulterior”, talking about the supply of energy will become clearer. This is mostly in reference to what we know about chemical reactions in the brain, which stem from feeding your body what it needs when it needs it and what it wants when it wants it (or earned it, depending on your stance on sugars). It is not to say that your mind cannot energize your body, as it most certainly can. This comes in the form of mental stimulation which produces bursts of motivation. Though this motivation can result in bodily exhaustion, it is still similar to stoking the flames of an already burning bonfire. Regardless, if your body is tired, your mind is likely to suffer also. It is primarily a priority of the “Caliber” to feed both halves.
The Breakdown:
Accord Identity 1/2: The Caliber —
Level 1: “The Canvas” (Difficult Conscious Control)
Your “restricted public self”. Your raw, intrinsic external form. Attributes of your physical body which you can celebrate, defy, or ignore.
Level 2: “The Conversation” (Flexible Conscious Control)
Your “implicit public self”. Your decisions manifested in the physical world and the control you have to “be you”. The things you physically act upon which may or may not affect how you are perceived.
Level 3: “The Grey Zone” (Abstracted Conscious Control)
Things your body does or reacts to beyond your immediate conscious control. Your constant sensory intake, instinctual physical responses, and development of “muscle memory”.
Accord Identity 2/2: The Ulterior —
Level 1: “The Mirror” (Difficult Conscious Control)
Your “restricted private self”. The below-the-surface reflection of your experiences, biases, desires, etc. which attempt to influence your decision process. The “you” that resides deep in your psyche.
Level 2: “The Correspondence” (Flexible Conscious Control)
Your “implicit private self”. The decisions you process before deciding to take action. The discussions happening rapidly between your “mind” and “body”.
Level 3: “The Grey Zone” (Abstracted Conscious Control)
Things your mind processes beyond your conscious control or in defiance of your conscious control. The constant processing of sensory information and mental justification of impulsive reactivity/addictive behaviors.
In Conclusion —
Why “reinvent the wheel” like this? There are many theoretical models of “self” proposed by philosophers and psychologists alike, all of them much more qualified to make a case about such things than I. There’s Carl Jung and his theory of the “Collective Consciousness” as “self”. This theory (this is a very abridged version of) is comprised of the Anima, the Animus, and the Shadow; nodes of consciousness residing in the uncharted domain of metaphysics. These “nodes” (possibly the wrong word here), like the “Caliber” and “Ulterior”, seem to possess some “realms of responsibility or influence” which impact the properties of the “self”. This model is my personal favorite, though I have some disagreements with the terminology Jung uses to make sense of these nodes (it’s confusing as fuck).
There’s also Sigmund Freud with his model of the Id, the Ego, and the Superego. This model, to my best understanding (in so few words), is the proposition that we as individuals are constantly waging an internal war between the virtuous sensibilities we hold to moral code (Superego) and our sexy, aggressive and primitive desires (Id). The “self” is born amidst the chaos of this war as the “Ego”, which delegates between the “Id” and “Superego”, putting out fires and trying to make sense of it all.
I researched these models of “self” while working on my college thesis; a design document outlining a competitive online multiplayer game I called “Virtue & Strife” (VS!), which uses a model of “self” as the driving force in player character development. This, I proposed, might reinvent player agency in online gaming, or simply fizzle out as a cute zeitgeist novelty. I even used the “Accord” as the in-game model of “self” (you can compare it to what I’ve written here and see the difference). In short: it was a totally wacky experience discussing this idea with my peers, as well as cosmically baffling to design and foresee actually working in favor of my predictions. Despite the immense amount of effort and research I put into it, I still feel a little bit like I got away with academic murder (one of my committee members told me I have ‘imposter syndrome’. So, that’s nice, I think!(?)).
If the above two models of “self” examples exist (among lots of others) and these are backed by the research and knowledge of philosophers like Jung and Freud, why bother trying to invent a new one? I can’t even conclude that this model is technically “new”. There are so many elements gathered from personal experience and so many more elements drawn from inspiration (see ‘Jung’ and ‘Freud’ above) that “The Accord” I’m proposing here could easily be vaguely-cognitive meatloaf with no real substance, just a few flavor-like “elements”. Really salty. Hard on the kidneys.
As I stated at the beginning of this article, I developed “The Accord” out of necessity to better understand myself, which got me through some “dark nights of the soul” (a great Jung-ism). I adapted what I learned into a game design document, which then got me through grad school. For some reason, this model of “self” continues to aid me.
Applying it, I feel better about assessing what I’m mentally, physically and/or emotionally dealing with in a moment. I feel that I am closer to myself when I acknowledge both of me. I can make some rational sense as to why I do things, why I get attached or addicted to things, why I desire or despise things, why I don’t feel scared or confused as to why I see somebody else when I imagine myself doing things. Putting this model on paper and sending it out into oblivion just seems like the next logical step.
If you’ve read down to this point: from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for doing so. By chance, if this helps you in some way, I’d love to hear your story.
Take care of you and you.
❤ Casey
