What dating is like for plus-size women?
What dating is like for plus-size women?
· MARY ROSE MADIGAN WRITES
She enjoys going out. Although it doesn’t exactly have the Sex And The City feel she had in mind (she wears more Birkenstocks than heels), it has been crucial in helping her learn to accept and embrace her plus-size figure.
Of course, developing self-love must indeed come from the inside out, but in her experience, sometimes you also need some positive reinforcement from the outside in addition to the occasional fuckboy to call you hot — I know, I’m shallow, but I’m also being honest.
She truly believed that the surf brand Roxy was the high fashion when she was younger, used lipgloss instead of lipstick, and believed that dating was just for slender girls. According to her, you had a higher probability of falling in love or desire if you were smaller.
In her defense, she grew up in a time when being thin was fashionable. It was also before Ashley Graham modeled for Dolce & Gabbana and before the body-positive movement gained popularity. Instead, it was the time of Kelly Osborne’s fat-shaming and Kate Moss’s heroin chic.
There were no “anybody is a bikini body” hashtags or plus-size Instagram influencers. Hips and curves were not praised at the time; rather, they were criticized. Additionally, there weren’t many plus-size female leads in romantic comedies. Yes, there were a few, but they were by no means the norm, and they undoubtedly had an effect on how I felt about myself.
She believes that she would have felt very differently about her body if there had been more representation at the time, but the environment around her was telling her that she was the witty best friend, not the seductive female lead. For a very long period, she believed that.
She doesn’t recall having a particularly aha moment, but sometime in her early twenties, she decided to rewrite her own story. Although she was wearing secondhand rather than luxury clothing, she was going to play the lead in my romantic comedy. Regardless of the size of her pants, there was still going to be romance. She was resolved to quit seeing her size as an excuse.
She concluded that she needed to start dating. She mentions putting the applications on her phone and aggressively hunting for love. She had lovers and hookups in the past, but only through shared acquaintances or professional contacts. She never really ventured out into the world, especially not on apps where you are first only evaluated based on your appearance.
Since her stomach wasn’t flat, she believed that the only way she could win someone over was via her personality. It also seemed very overwhelming to use images of herself to attract guys. She started the dating scene hesitantly, uncertain, fearful, and concerned that she wouldn’t find any matches. Keep in mind that this was before everyone had access to Tinder. The dating scene was being overtaken by dating apps at the time.
People continued to make up stories about how they met their boyfriends outside of dating apps. She remained adamant despite the stigma (and maybe also a little bit horny). She was almost immediately taken aback by the number of matches, messages, and requests for coffee or a drink that she received from males. Although she wasn’t very thin, she quickly realized that most men were still quite interested in her.
She received a lot of attention, and that attention carried over into the real world of dating. She also believes it’s necessary to point out that she isn’t awe-inspiringly attractive. She merely looks like a typical woman with belly fat, yet men were still crazy over her. Suddenly, she discovered herself dating a variety of men, from builders to lawyers, and meeting them in bars, going on sushi dates, and drinking coffee. That was thrilling.
All of a sudden, she was exposing herself to a vast array of new experiences and guys. She was no longer categorizing and excluding herself, and she thought the whole thing was just beautiful. Who doesn’t enjoy discovering their inherent beauty? Although you may never have a flat tummy, men like you because you’re entertaining and attractive.
She won’t pretend that going on a few dates magically removed all of her body-related issues, but it was a significant factor in her realizing how much she loved and valued her body. She was after all meeting men who admired or even loved her body. It also gave her a completely new perspective on her body.
Now, in a feminist utopia, dating a few men wouldn’t affect a woman’s self-worth. She ought to have been able to love herself enough to learn to appreciate her body, but guess what? ANYTHING WORKS! She was a young woman seeking acceptance and a way to understand herself.
Yes, it could have been more amazing of her if I had discovered it while listening to feminist speakers rather than when out on dates with guys who texted with the letter “z” rather than “s.” But it was only that moment in her life and in time.
She required another person to affirm who she was, what she offered, and to make her feel attractive. She was no longer as critical of herself in the mirror. She was taught to recognize her beauty by the mirror that others could perceive.
by ichhori.com Reference: ichhori.com