5 Principles to Win Debates on the Spot | Get Your Ideas Heard
Intro
Have you ever had that moment where you suddenly find yourself in an argument or debate, maybe on a team project or even just at home, but you just weren’t ready? Then you floundered and felt embarrassed? And worst of all, your ideas didn’t get the respect they deserved? Or maybe instead, you “won” the argument! But the other person still didn’t listen, and maybe was hurt?
I have too. That’s why in this article, I’m going to teach you how you can effectively present your ideas on the spot and never get caught off-guard again.
You may already know the principles of formal logic, storytelling, and effective presentations, or you may not. Either way is alright. This article focuses on the dynamics of arguing and convincing other people, and having your ideas and understanding ready in the moment.
I’ve dealt with many such situations through many team projects, one-off discussions, and personal events, so I hope my experience and the 5 principles I share here will help you.
1. Avoid the Argument
Never be hostile. Build good relations. These things won’t happen as much or be so confrontational.
Before we get into the winning principles, creating the right environment can give you an advantage. Let’s imagine this.
Your good friend comes up to you and says, “Hey, you gotta try this new restaurant, I think you’ll love it.” You’ll probably at least search it up for the future.
Now imagine some stranger in a suit comes up to you on your morning walk and says the same. “Hey, you gotta try this new restaurant, I think you’ll love it.” You’d be hesitant to trust it. You might try to forget about it.
Now your middle school bully comes up to you on the bus. “Hey, you gotta try this new restaurant, I think you’ll love it.” You think, what?! If that guy wants me to go there, no way I’m ever going to that restaurant.
But in reality, the stranger just wanted everyone to have some good food and support local businesses. And your bully just wanted to make amends.
The same idea presented in the exact same way can get completely different reactions depending on who you are. Or at least who others perceive you as. This is why though those formal logic, debate, and argument writing classes are great in their own right, but aren’t enough for the real world to get your ideas heard.
You need to avoid the idea of an argument in the first place, at least as much as possible. Treat it as a debate of strong ideas, not an argument. And in general, build good relations with those who need to hear your ideas. You want to be the good friend, not the stranger in the suit or the bully.
How can you do that? Take an interest in them as a person. Help them when they need it. Be a good listener. Trust. All the simple things for a person to like you. Even if you can’t become their best friend, make it known that you’re someone they can trust. And if you just met them? Connect on a personal level while talking. Listen. Explain who you are and why you can be trusted. Give context to your ideas.
Build the right relationships and trust, and you’ll have the room to use the following principles that we’ll talk about. Even if you fail to establish trust, the next principle will give you some strength regardless.
And as a project for yourself, I recommend you write down, as close to word-for-word as possible, a recent argument or debate you had. Then rewrite it, incorporating each principle as we go along, to see how you could’ve made it go better. Start with this principle before moving on to the next section.
2. Understand the Space
Solidly understand every fact in the space and how they relate in a system map. Make sure your idea follows it.
For this principle, let’s have another example.
You’re asleep. Someone breaks your window and enters, shaking you awake. You’re scared to death, you’re caught completely off-guard. You could not possibly be more unprepared than you are right now. And this intruder then then tells you, if x + 2 = 4, x = 1. What?! No, x has to be 2, because 2 + 2 = 4. The intruder doesn’t know what to say. He says, “Yeah, I guess so,” and leaves.
This is a ridiculous scenario, but it illustrates a simple point of how you can win any argument on the spot. If you have the facts of the space ingrained inside you, you can leverage them without thinking. You didn’t study 2 + 2 = 4 the night before the intruder broke in, or right before you had to count change at the grocery store. You just know it. You know how basic math works. Why not just know how everything works in whatever space your ideas are in?
Of course, this is easier said than done for complex topics of discussion, but it’s a worthy goal. If it’s a simple space, you probably already understand most of it. But you need to go ahead and answer any questions or vague oddities you don’t fully understand. If you don’t memorize the knowledge, at least know which source you can pull the information from later. It’ll serve you well in general, not just your debates.
But I’ll also give you a strategy to make sense of even the most difficult questions: system maps.
The system map is basically a diagram that connects things with labeled arrows that say “this thing causes more or less of that thing.” For truly complex problems, you’ll have hundreds of things with arrows interweaving all over the map. And the true beauty of laying this map out for a hard problem is that it one, forces you to get specific about the problem, ask why, and break things up, and two, it shows you the most important node that is the chokepoint in arrow connections. If you can address that node, you can solve the problem.
Now I’m not saying you need to spend time drawing out this massive map for everything you argue about, though it is a valuable thinking exercise if you truly want to understand things deeply and have a ground-truth artifact for yourself to look back on for insights. You can instead follow the same thought process of the map mentally or in writing to clear up your thoughts.
Again, for your own project, make a system map for the space the argument you wrote down was in, and see how you would modify that argument before moving on to the next section.
3. Ask Why?
Understand why the other person thinks something. Cross-check with system map. Ask why and there will eventually be a hole. Or not.
Now you’re armed with an understanding of the space you’re in. But how do you make use of it, besides basing your own argument on it of course? What do you do when the other person is making claims you don’t know how to counter or fit in to your understanding? Simple. Just ask one question: why?
An example: you claim that your team lead makes terrible decisions constantly. I now ask, why? Well, because he doesn’t listen to you; you know much more about the project you’re working on! Well, why doesn’t he listen to you? Well, maybe you don’t get your ideas across effectively. Why not? Well, perhaps you don’t understand your lead’s thought process, so your ideas bounce off his head. Why not? Because you don’t ask why. Why not? Because no one taught you that. That’s what this is for!
Keep asking the other person why they think what they think. Learn from them and maybe end up teaching them. It helps you understand their argument, shows you things you might not have thought of, and forces that person to evaluate their own thinking at the same time. Simply asking why may get you two to a consensus. And if not, you now have enough detail to cross check both arguments with the system map. Keep asking why and there will eventually be a hole in one or both person’s argument, or in your own understanding of the issue.
Another advantage of this one question is that it makes you a better listener, which helps with the trust issue of the first principle.
Try rewriting a previous argument you had with this principle and imagine what might’ve gone differently.
4. Work Together toward a Common Goal
You can have the other person work to prove you right, while giving yourself time to think.
The first principle had you reframe your argument into a debate. That was meant to get you to build a positive relationship with others before getting your ideas across. In addition to that, we can use another reframe to change it from a debate to a collaboration. Two partners in crime solving the mystery. Holmes and Watson.
Before you even mention your own ideas, establish the common goal you’re working toward. Frame it as you’re both trying to figure out the best answer to it. Your ideas don’t fight each other, but rather the problem you’re solving.
To make this happen, use the three principles I’ve already told you. Build a good relationship with the person and avoid argument. Use a system map (or even make one together!) to solve the problem using facts and relationships, exploring different ideas and solutions and building each other’s understanding of the problem. Ask why to understand the problem and the other person and really comprehend every idea.
I really recommend going through a system map-like exercise with your team to instantly shift the tone into one of collaboration, and to test all ideas against agreed upon facts.
This might sound specific to the workplace, but even if it’s an argument about politics at a family dinner, you can use this principle. If you’re talking about what the best tax policy is, ask each other what the goal of the tax policy should be. Who should it help? What should the outcome be? What do we know happens with different policies in the past? Who do we know benefits from what?
Reflect on the previous argument you’re rewriting — where did it seem like you weren’t working to the same goal?
5. Truth Above All
If you’re right, stick to your guns, calmly. If the others are right, be willing to accept it gracefully. If the facts need investigation, be willing to put the discussion on hold.
You have the main tools to get your ideas heard. Here’s one final principle to make sure being heard is productive: truth above all.
If you’re right, stick to your guns. Be confident and calm and use the principles above to convince. If you realize you are wrong, be willing to accept it gracefully. You’re not “wrong” per se, but rather you came to the right solution with the help of this productive discussion. Perhaps new ideas come out of it for both sides if you use all the principles properly. Maybe you need time to think about it if you’re discussing on the spot, but there’s no shame in that. It shows maturity and lets you develop even better ideas.
No matter the situation, sticking with the truth leads to the best ideas. See if that could improve the argument you’re rewriting.
Conclusion
Summary and Project
These are all the principles. They apply to all sorts of on-the-spot arguments, like casual conversation, presentation, and writing such as email. Use them wisely and let your ideas shine!
As a recap,
- Avoid the argument. You don’t want hostility. You want productive debate by being a trusted friend.
- Understand the space. If you ingrain in yourself a deep understanding of the issue, you can debate on the spot without preparation. Use system maps to guide your thinking.
- Ask why. It lets your understand all ideas and cross-check them with your built-in understanding on the spot.
- Work together toward a common goal. If you work together like detectives to solve a mystery, your ideas get listened to. You can guide this discovery with your system-wide understanding and take charge.
- Truth above all. Stick to the truth, no matter who is expressing it. It leads to better ideas and builds trust for the future.
Now, reflect on your rewritten argument. Think about implementing these principles in real life. I hope this has helped you get your ideas heard on the spot!
I write about tech, art, tech and art, and how they apply to business and startups. Follow if you’re interested!
