The Art of Listening as an Ally

We all like to think of ourselves as being good listeners, but ask around you will discover that most people have had the experience of feeling like they were not heard, leaving them with feelings of being left out or with needs unmet. This can be especially true for individuals and groups that have historically been overlooked, disregarded, and forgotten. As allies, it is imperative that we have strong, effective listening skills in order to position ourselves to serve those whom we are fighting for.

So, what is it that makes an effective listener? If you Google that phrase, you’ll get dozens of pages of expert advice and suggestions. We believe there are endless options for becoming a competent listener, but the thing that matters most is the practice of developing the skills necessary to listen effectively. How? We are so happy you asked! Here are a few of our tips for strengthening your listening skills:

Use Comprehensive Listening

Listen to learn and to understand

Comprehensive listening is about interpreting the words and ideas of the speaker. It requires you to bring all of your senses and attention to the process.

Set aside Critical Listening

Listening to scrutinize or analyze

Critical listening is a style of listening that we use when we are trying to decide if someone is telling the truth or not. Making judgments during listening can be a barrier to understanding another person.

W.A.I.T.

Why Am I Talking

Often, we are uncomfortable with silences in conversation, especially when the topic is challenging. This is when our discomfort encourages us to start filling the silence with language that centers ourselves or can be problematic in other ways. If you find yourself talking more than you should, ask yourself, “Why am I talking?” If the answer isn’t clear, it might be time to stop and listen.

Resist the impulse to solve the problem

Check in — what is the desired action

Wanting to be helpful and immediately tackle the problem is not always the best course of action. What does the situation look like and what does the person/people experiencing the situation need? Is this a place for you to act or to listen and learn more? How will you know?

Reflect

What was said, what was shown, what did you observe, what did you feel

Here is an opportunity for you to slow down and think about what you know versus what you think you know or heard about the situation. Ask yourself what’s going on in your own thoughts and feelings and what the next best action might be.

Being a good listener doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be developed with practice and application. Good luck and happy listening!

Interested in learning more about effective listening and other allyship skills? Contact us here.