From a life of opportunity to time in jail. His fall from grace reads like fiction. But for Mr T, his new reality is a harsh lesson on humility and humanity.
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would end up where I am now. It was so against the plan: get good grades from High School, get into a prominent university afterwards, be blessed with the opportunity to travel Europe on somewhat of a scholarship, and make my way up to earning six figures a year, all in a span of 4 years. That was the grand plan. Unfortunately, higher beings had other plans for me. It’s true, what they say, “You can plan your entire life, but somewhere along the way, you’ll hit a speed bump which would engulf those plans in the most ironic flames possible.”
As of this writing, I am currently being detained, for over 6 months now. My case is being processed and given what I know of the system, I expect it to take some time.
The breaking point came about in the most humorous of circumstances. So there I was, 3 weeks into my detention, working as a regular “Striker” ( a term that basically means ‘the guy that has to do everything in the cell: cleaning, cooking, errands, and even the occasional man on beast battles with Metro Manila’s near-genetically altered rodents), when I realized the gravity of my downfall.
Here I am, a bachelor’s degree holder, proficient in three languages, namely English, Spanish, and Filipino, with an upper-middle class upbringing, breaking bank, with luck after luck of brilliant employment options, and now… unclogging the toilet shared between 28 different men who has absolutely no concept of hygiene. My, oh my, how the mighty have fallen.
But this isn’t about the hardships I’ve endured here, or the time I falcon-punched an actual rodent and proceeded to shower for over 2 hours. Nor is this about the mental anguish I’ve suffered from being locked up, away from the people I love, the people I care very much about, or the shame and embarrassment I have to contend with on a daily basis.
While all this may seem rather depressing, the main plot of this write up are about the positives that I’ve taken away, and would forever be grafted into my personality in the years to come.
Like most first time detainees, I had a very crude image of what prison life would probably feel like (See: American History X, Death Row, OTJ, Oz). A month in, and I could never have been more wrong.
A wise 4-year veteran detainee (we call him Mafia) once told me that freedom is overrated. Sure, you get to do what you want, you live your life according to your rules, life is all about you and nothing else. But if you think about it, people who are free, are as much prisoners to themselves, as much as, we are to ourselves: A slave to money, prestige, power, knowledge, hell, even legacy.
Being incarcerated has taught me that sometimes, you gotta go back to the basics. As ironic as this may sound, incarceration brings out the humanity in you more than when you are free. In here, you are exposed to characters you could only see in movies and Netflix shows. You are exposed to problems you never dreamed about existing in your little bubble. You create relationships based on the mutual destruction of your lives, and the internal need to work, hope, and pray for a second chance.
Of course there’s always that collective hatred towards the sadistic guards watching your every move.
I’ve never found my humanity until it was forcibly taken away from me. Inside I’ve met people who are in here for months on end, over a dispute pertaining to 9 coconuts worth 129 pesos. I’ve met inmates who have been here for 3 years without any case being filed against them. I’ve played basketball with suspected murderers and kidnappers who are just the nicest guys. I’ve had conversations with suspected drug dealers whose only wish is to ensure the safety of their families before they confess to their crimes. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all swell dudes, apart from the crime thing they’re up against.
If there is one thing I’ve generally learned about my ongoing experience here, its Humility. Humility goes a long way. Once you’ve surrendered yourself to that one tiny lesson, you automatically start to regain your humanity. And what is Humanity? It’s as basic as knowing that no matter what your lot in life is, we are here to do just one purpose: to be a light to others who’s just about to run out.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t vacation. You’ve got surveillance 24/7, you’ve got hardened convicts who’d pick a fight just cause they want to, and you have sadistic prison guards who would make your life a living hell if they felt like it.
But even amidst all that, I am still very grateful I ended up here. Prior to this, I was not the best version of who I wanted to be. I became cocky, reckless, and just plain douchey. I lost the humility that is the key to being a human being. The ironic part is I got my groove back through sadistic guards, 24/7 surveillance, vegetables from questionable sources, and of course, unclogging the toilet shared by 28 different men.
Am I still hoping that I get out soon? Of course, who wouldn’t? But not until I’m completely self-aware of 1) How did I end up here, 2) What can I do to prevent this from happening again? 3) Am I really humble enough to be out in the real world, and 4) Who will I be? And will society accept me again?
Very tough questions to answer. Fortunately, I’m not the only one going through the same problems. Everyone here has the same fear. Who are we, if not inmates? If not statistics in the Penitentiary System?
This is where the humanity begins. I’ve seen the stares of outsiders when they see me in my regulation colored shirt. It’s a mix of pity and disgust. Which, really is the most hurtful, because I can’t say I wouldn’t say think the same if the roles were reversed. The system has brought it up this way.
Thankfully, I’ve learned in my 6 months here that sadness is but a fleeting moment. What you want to master is Self-Awareness. With that, prison would just be a walk in the park. Everyday I wake up, take my cup of coffee, do my errands, work out, play basketball, write, read, converse with my fellow inmates, because it’s in these few moments, you get to touch pure, unadulterated humanity. And if you have that, no jail can ever, ever, lock you up.
The human spirit is a wonderful thing. Just when you thought you’re at your lowest, with the help of friends, family, loved ones, everything is suddenly put to perspective.
Am I saddened by my situation? No. I feel more pity towards those who haven’t experienced what I’ve experienced. You can move to New York, Paris, Germany, Spain, but you will never learn a more valuable lesson in Humility and Humanity, while you’re inside. Which, really, is the most ironic thing ever.
My first week here a good friend told me, ‘Bro, it is what it is. Just make sure that when you get out, you’re a much better person spiritually, mentally, and physically than when you went in.”
So far, so good.
- Mr T
Original article here.
