This is 36
There is a photo of me taken on my 36th birthday. I am wearing a black, off-shoulder jacket and I am smirking seductively at the camera. Of course I posted it as my Facebook profile photo. “This is 36!”, my eyes seemed to declare. I felt confident and self-assured — a state of mind that seemed to be a collective result of the baggage, the years, and the experience of being not-quite-middle-age, and not-quite-young either.
There seems to be something liberating about moving into your late 30s. In 2015, there was a study by Spire Bristol Hospital in the UK that declared: 36 is the age when the youthful illusion of immortality fades away. Whether you’re faced by a health scare, an unflattering selfie, an accident, or the death or illness of a loved one, this was the magic age when life sort of slaps you in the face (or gives you a little nudge). It is the scientific explanation of that “this is YOUR life, and live it whatever damn way you choose” feeling. In an article for GQ, Tony Parsons writes: “At 36 you are at life’s major crossroads. Thirty-six is when it is no longer enough to mindlessly drift through the years. At 36, you have to start making some serious choices and they will impact on everything that happens to you in the remaining decades of your life. Thirty-six is not a death sentence. But you can’t reach 36 without becoming aware that your time is finite.”
And it is facing this ticking biological clock that becomes your life’s saving grace.
The questions of well-meaning individuals won’t stop just like that. In fact, they will become more relentless. “When are you getting married? When are you going to have kids? Why are you too focused on your work? Why are you traveling so much?” They get incredibly annoying, and you will probably have an arsenal of obnoxious answers to ward them off. But here’s the thing — you just stop caring about pleasing everyone, and you just focus on living the life you choose. I am 36, unmarried and childless. The questions have never stopped. But as I write this article in a café in Brussels (about 10,501 kilometers away from home), I am more concerned with what I’ll have for lunch, and with the fact that I miss my niece and nephew like crazy.
There are friendships that will just no longer work, whether by choice or by chance. There are relationships that have fallen by the wayside, heartaches that have taken longer to heal. At 36, you may have been through a tumultuous love affair that left you a little more broken and a little more jaded — but a lot more self-aware. And if you’re lucky, you may have found yourself in the arms of that person who just makes life worth living. In fact, you may have even built a family for yourself — and their well-being and happiness is at the top of your list of priorities.
You may have abandoned so-called friendships that no longer work, but are proud to have a handful of friends around the world that go beyond the usual chitchat or Facebook status update. You are highly involved in each other’s lives. You know each other’s secrets, each other’s fears, hopes and dreams. They are they family you choose, and you have become each other’s anchors in the rough seas.
The high heels have been relegated to the back of the closet, coming out only when necessary. Sneakers, ballet flats, loafers, oxfords — flats have become your norm. The better to walk with purpose, I must say. You look at crop tops and short shorts that more youthful women wear, and you’re tempted to cover them up from the harshness of air conditioning or wind chill. Won’t they get sick? Won’t they catch cold?
It takes you forever to get to bed — you need to slather on an arsenal of serums and moisturizers to help you stave off the eventual damage that sun exposure and gravity will do to your face.
You hate the club. The thought of crowds and loud music fill you with dread, and you try to make up excuses just to precisely avoid it. Socializing with friends usually means dinner with wine or whiskey; bike riding or marathon running; play dates with the kids; or going to yoga class or brunch.
Back in 1997, Glamour Magazine created a list called “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.” At 30, you take stock of your life and panic when you realize that your life looks totally different from the way you’ve planned it.
At 36, however, you just put the list down. Life’s seconds may be ticking away, but you get to live them on your own terms.
Originally published on Ideiya here: https://ideiya.com/this-is-thirty-six/
