6 Signs She isn’t Your True Homegirl
by Jessica Contessa
There is a genuine need for real-time sisterhood relationships and if there were ever a time where women could form better unions to heal from the past, that time would be now. History collectively and personally has provided its own set of pain and oppression to women and the roles they’re to serve in history and in families. It’s time to heal and recover from those wounds, what best way to recover than to turn to and trust a sister?
Women are nurturers, counselors, and helpers by nature so it’s in our function to help build up and encourage others and also one another. When we, as people, have been wounded it’s natural to turn to someone to not only help us to heal emotionally but also gain the necessary wisdom, advice, and insight needed in order to move beyond the instance that wounded us in the first place and recover from the scarring. So imagine a woman broken, not operating out of her nature but functioning quite the opposite, being broken and silently tearing down her fellow sisters. Jealousy, pride, underhandedness, and backbiting just to name a few, are all the opposite traits of the best characteristics of a woman.
Here are a few signs that your sister-friend isn’t operating at her best or that she may not be your sister-friend at all;
- You aren’t a genuine celebration in your friendship
Chile, if you’ve ever had to question your sister’s genuineness towards your wins in life or if she’s ever made you feel some type of way for your tenacity to build and excel beyond where you are, it’s time to re-examine your relationship and revisit healing. Or maybe she does “celebrate” you but you can’t help but sense there is a motive or that the celebration of your wins becomes their personal benefit. It’s time to regulate.
2. They don’t encourage you to be your best self
Deep down on the inside of us are our best selves waiting to happen and waiting to come alive. Friends are designed to awaken that part of you to a degree, if they aren’t encouraging you but rather discouraging you to be your lower self, then it’s time to revisit the relationship.
3. They subtract from you and don’t add to you
You constantly feel depleted or guilty if you don’t respond to their beckoning call and you never feel that they restore you in some way or build you. They’re taking from your natural reservoir of energy or zest for life. It may be time to check the relationship.
4. Makes you feel beneath them
For whatever reason they make you feel as if they have the upper hand in life than you currently do. They make you feel like your situation is permanent and your life won’t get any better than the level that you’re currently at. Sorry to say but if this shows up in that friendship, you may not just need to re-examine but you may need to forgive them and let them go (also revisit reasons 1–3.)
5. They counsel you to make the wrong decisions
This is where it can get tricky, this is something that can go undetected in relationships for a long time. It takes a close examination to see if this is true in any case. The friend may be doing this so that you don’t move beyond that you both are so that you don’t excel them.
6. She helps you out of a motive
Do they help you because it makes them feel better about themselves or do they help so that you would always be indebted to them and their needs? That is emotional manipulation and it’s not only time to re-examine but may also be time to run.
It’s time for the sisterhood of friendships to be healed and recovered but first, we must discover the silent wounds taking place within our relationships and deal with them. Women have been pitted against each other because we’ve been taught that all of us at one time can’t be great, dope, bomb, or succeed. It’s been drilled in us that we have to compete to be better than our sister. The world of women in competition to be successful but say they can’t be friends with other successful women is a toxic and damaging culture, but it doesn’t have to be, not anymore. You can heal from sister wounds but if the sister friend is trying to emotionally kill you to get to the top or have you stay at the bottom then it may be time to run and heal elsewhere.
Jessica Contessa is a Chicago based author and the Editor-in-Chief of Identify Her Daily. Jess is an enigmavert (she made this up), who loves food and binge-watching Living Single on Hulu. She’s a self-published author of ‘It’s Too Expensive’ and ‘Don’t Stay Down’ and has other written works on the shelf. You can find her chillin’ in Chicago somewhere, but don’t try to actually find her.
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Twitter: Jess_Contessa
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Facebook: @Jessicacontessawrites
