10 Common Misconceptions About Ancient Rome

How many of these “facts” do you erroneously believe?

People really love the Ancient Romans. It’s cool that Rome is cool, I guess, since it means those of us who have bona fide degrees in loving the Romans can have jobs (So many jobs. The best jobs. Also the best unpaid internships money can’t buy), but one unfortunate side effect of this Romanophilia is that fake facts about Rome have spread as virulently and destructively as the famous fire of 65 CE.

Did you know, for example, that Nero didn’t play the fiddle while Rome burned in said fire?!? A of all, he wasn’t even in Rome when the eternal city conflagratated. And secondly, Romans didn’t even have fiddles, so … wrong instrument, bro. But also, he was, like, sad and stuff about it. Now, because people like it when you pedantically correct them about things they love, here are ten more facts you should check before you trot them out to impress the ladies:

1) Caesar’s last words were not “et tu, Brute”

… they were “hold my beer”

2) All roads don’t lead to Rome

… actually the roads were there first

3) The vomitorium wasn’t a special room for vomiting in.

… it was the nickname given to the Museum of Vomit and Other Effluvia.

4) “Decimate” doesn’t mean “destroy utterly”

… it means the act of murdering men named Decimus

5) Cleopatra wasn’t actually Egyptian

… she was Russian. And she colluded with Marc Antony to hack into Caesar’s emails or something.

6) Rome WAS built in a day

… you probably thought it wasn’t, huh?

7) The Caesarian section wasn’t named after Julius Caesar

… it was named after Augustus Caesar, who liked to cut babies out of pregnant women just because he could

8) Rome didn’t fall because of barbarian invasions

… it fell because of global illuminati cuckism and an over-reliance on political correctness

9) Women in Rome were not really very repressed at all

… in fact, they were so free they sometimes didn’t shave their armpits or legs sometimes

10) Romans didn’t build the pyramids

… aliens did

11) Caesar didn’t divorce his wife Pompeia because she “must be above suspicion”

… it was really because of ethics in gaming journalism.

Sarah Scullin thinks these types of informative listicles really have a chance of saving the field of Classics.