Classicist’s Gift Guide 2023
For That Special Classicist in Your Life
Once I make my gift guide, you’re free to shop for presents.
No. Tori, no!
What is it??
She’s going to sacrifice herself!
No, you can’t! There must be another way!
Do you want to make sure Classicists get good gifts or not? Reader, it’s you that has to go on. I know it. Not me, not Hermione…YOU.
The Sugar and Spice List
Future Potsherds Waiting to Happen Mug
$19.95+
Nobody needs another mug, but that’s the beauty of this mug. It can be potsherds at any moment. It’s the gift of permission, really.
Thales of Miletus Rain Barrel Scented Candle
$18.95
You never melt the same water-scented candle twice!
Make-Your-Own Myth Creature Advent Calendar
$5.84 for a digital download
If you’re super sneaky about it, you could even swap out one of the scary beasts for your mother-in-law.
Scented Terracotta Pomegranate
$75
I can’t even make up a snarky comment about this because it’s truly so cool, it’s soaked in Melograno perfume in the world’s oldest pharmacy, Officina Profumo-Farmaceutica di Santa Maria Novella in Florence, and it gives off scent for 9–12 months. Maybe longer if you keep it in the Underworld for half the year!
Io Saturnalia Greeting Card
$4.07
Imagine wearing THIS to the ugly sweater party! How would that even work! Haha just kidding! ….unless.
Black to hide cooking stains, and red figure to hide blood stains! Omg hahaha did I just say that??
“Panis Quadratus” Pompeii Sourdough Loaf
$64.95
We now live in a world where you can buy the Pompeii bread on Goldbelly. And tbh I’m glad to live there.
The Naughty List
Ovid’s Metamorphoses Book Cover Ornament
£18.50
This is on the naughty list for being GREEN when it’s a LATIN text. Stop messing with my head!!! (I bought the Aeneid instead, because it’s purple.)
Small 3D-Printed Fascinus Magnet
$6.82
Look, I’m not the one who titled it “small.” Or tagged it “home decor gift idea.”
Column Paintstamp Work Pants
$95 (Update: These are now final sale!! Quick!)
For when you need two columns to support dat ass.
Narcissus Scarf
$204
It’s really expensive, but like, what better way to be narcissistic than to buy it for yourself?
Persephone in Conversation with Herself Linocut
$54.32
I just feel like Persephone would have a really good Susi stitch.
The Nice List
The Met x PacSun Marble Head Cropped Crewneck Sweater
$65
I guess ancient statuary is hip with the surfer youth now?? Or is it that PacSun isn’t hip anymore? Regardless: power collab, power sweater.
Excavations by Kate Myers
$27.99
This is a real-life blurbed review: “As if Aubrey Plaza’s April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation decided to write a sun-drenched novel about feminism, friendship, and archeology.” — Booklist
This one was headed for the naughty list for its price tag, but then I read its inspiration story, which is really nice. Melts my Grinch heart. A little.
Greek and Latin Phrase Pencil
$1
If you sharpen the top one until it’s short enough, it’ll just say “brevis,” and it’ll be a cute little visual pun! I’ll be here all night.
Jenny from Thebes, by The Mountain Goats
$8 digital, $23.98+ vinyl
Don’t be fooled by the rocks and the pots, she’s still she’s still Jenny from the polis.
Greek Goddess Earrings
$21.75
Get ready with me to slice my face in half.
Tori Lee has noticed upon rereading that some of her captions have been getting increasingly dark. She promises she’s fine, really! It has nothing to do with her third year on the job market.
