Henry Kissinger Pitches to Eidolon

re: Pitch

Frederic Leighton, “Icarus and Daedalus” (c. 1869)

Dear Editors of Eidolon,

Time recently asked me to comment on Jared Kushner for their “The 100 Most Influential People” list. I ended my blurb like so: “All this should help him make a success of his daunting role flying close to the sun” — a subtle, tongue-in-cheek reference to the myth of Daedalus and Icarus, possibly to Hamilton as well.

Would you be interested in an article elaborating on the comparison? As soon as I sent off that response to Time, it dawned on me that I could take the comparison much further: the criminal father, the petulant king lurking in the background, death (my favorite).

I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Best Wishes,

Henry Kissinger

P.S. I have not yet admitted to the Greek mythology connection, so please keep this email exchange between us.

Dear Henry Kissinger,

Thank you for reaching out to us. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that your pitch does not suit our publication’s needs at this time, and likely never will. For one, is Kushner supposed to be Daedalus or Icarus? Everybody thinks that you meant the latter, because everybody except Trump hates Kushner (even Ivanka), but you are not clear. We will not risk reading a draft about how Kushner is a great craftsman [of foreign policy].

Also, you’re a warmongering dick.


The Eidolon Team

Henry Kissinger’s real first name is Heinz, but you’re not allowed to call him that.

Yung In Chae’s first name is TWO WORDS, DAMMIT!