Is Dua Lipa Actually The Second Coming of Christ?

Tinfoil hats on, everybody, let’s look at the evidence

It’s not every day that you can claim to have stumbled upon the greatest conspiracy theory known to humanity, but after reviewing the evidence, we’re excited to officially confirm: Dua Lipa, popstar, is actually the second coming of noted Lord and Saviour of the World, Jesus H Christ.

Let’s review the evidence, shall we?

• Dua Lipa has long hair. Jesus also had long hair. PROOF!
• Jesus was collared for a crime he did not commit. Dua Lipa wears a collar all the time... so one might say she has been... collared. THE EVIDENCE DOESN’T LIE.

Seriously though if someone can tell me where Dua got this collar from that would be absolutely ideal

• Her album was originally announced for September 30 but was eventually pushed back until June 2, a period of approximately eight months. In the Bible, the number eight represents new beginnings, and the ’born again' event when one is resurrected from the dead into eternal life. RESURRECTION? COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.
• Jesus spent time in the wilderness being tested by the devil. Dua Lipa spent time in the wilderness shooting the video for Last Dance, which tested the video’s colour grader. THE PARALLELS ARE UNCANNY.

• Dua has a song called “Be The One” where she says “I could be the one” a few times. Jesus claimed to be “the One”. OBVIOUS REALLY WHEN YOU CONNECT THE DOTS.
• Kait adds an EXCELLENT POINT ABOUT ANOTHER HINT DUA HAS INCLUDED IN HER ALBUM:

• Jesus came to the Earth to establish a new set of rules which superseded the old customs followed in the Old Testament. Dua Lipa has OH GOSH LOOK AT THIS, IT’S RIGHT THERE IN PLAIN SIGHT.

• Jesus could fly, although biblical scholars contend that, during his ascent into the heavens, it was less “flying” and more “floating upwards with style”. Dua Lipa can also fly, though witnesses contend it was less “flying” and more “floating upwards with style”. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FAKE.

• Jesus promised to come back when the world descends into chaos. HAVE A LOOK AT THIS TWEET.

Having reviewed the evidence and taken some time to consider the situation, I, for one, welcome our new collared-floating-popstar overlord, and I’d like to remind Her that as a noted internet human, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in Her underground pop caves.

7/7/2017 UPDATE: DUA LIPA LITERALLY WALKS ON WATER IN THE VIDEO FOR NEW RULES, THEORY CONFIRMED, THANKS FOR COMING EVERYONE