After a Year of Polyamory Challenges, Do I Really Want to Date Again?

I don’t have time or energy to run after Peter Pan, but it’d be great to jog alongside a friend and lover

Photo by Hanna Morris on Unsplash

Dreams

Last night, I was walking down the sidewalk and my legs gave out. A cute guy I had just checked out saw me collapsing and came to help me. My dream self did what my real self is too shy to do upon first meeting someone new — I flirted.

I thanked him for rescuing me with a laugh, and I clung to him, touching him more than I really needed to, wide-eyed and blinking like some kind of Disney deer.

My muscles kept giving out though. Next it was my smile — my lips wouldn’t form one. So I had to go home and take care of myself, despite what I really wanted, which was to stay and connect with this guy.

The night before,

I dreamed I accidentally scheduled two dates and two friend hangs on the same evening. After realizing my scheduling blip, I jogged home from school with one of my dates, hoping he would count that as our time together.

He didn’t. “Text me when you’re ready!” he exclaimed cheerfully, jogging away.