The Moment I Realized My Submission Was a Lie
“Sit there and watch me. Don’t move.” His eyes lit up, and my body responded.
When I was only a few months sober, I found myself in the middle of a swinger sex-fest at a nude, adults-only resort. Unlike the previous year when I’d been drinking and partying with everyone else, this year, I felt like an imposter in my skin.
I felt out of place and restless, unable to settle into the inhibition-free debauchery. Even though my body was responding to the very sexy situations I found myself in; I was unable to connect with the amazing experiences I was having. I was feeling frustrated and uncomfortable in my newfound sobriety until the moment I started bossing around a man and watching his arousal rise with his obedience.
With his consent, I told Henry to sit, to watch. I gave him permission to touch me only in certain ways. I told him how and when he was able to touch himself. I took control, and he eagerly responded. The power I felt settled over me like a silky second skin. Oh. Oh.
It turns out I’m not as submissive as I thought.
I knew I was bisexual from an early age, and I’d developed an interest in a little light kink in my twenties. I had toyed with a submissive attitude for the entirety of my sexual life…when I…
