Accepting My Demons

By: Anonymous Author

I make the choice every day to rise up from my bed and persevere to see the whole day through.

If you’re interested contributing to our project in any capacity, email join.ifme@gmail.com!

Image of lit candles taken from Flickr

As a Latina diagnosed with bipolar disorder at a young age, there was no one in my family or anyone I knew with mental illness. It was hard for my family to grasp. They kicked me out of the house at 19. I was left on the cold streets with no support. I moved in with some people I barely even knew. It didn’t last and I was soon thrown into the world of homelessness and repeated hospitalization which lasted for years.

It was hard not having a family support or friends. I made many bad decisions. I used drugs to numb the pain away. I didn’t believe in the medication doctors gave me. I tried to keep my faith in God.

After years of being on and off medication and enduring the hard effects of drugs, my life was even messier. I was stuck between feeling suppressed and controlled by someone I didn’t like on medication. The latter was being overly expressive, manic, and sometimes aggressive without my medicine. I was stuck between two hard places — between someone, I didn’t like and someone I couldn’t control. The more I lasted without medication, the more wild and uncontrollable I became.

This all came crashing down when I was arrested. Sitting in jail forced me to confront my life choices. I knew this was not the life I wanted to live. It was hard to accept that I needed to be on medication for the rest of my life in order to treat my bipolar. It was literally a hard pill to swallow, but in the end, that’s what saved me!

The staff in the hospitals said I would never make it on my own. Here I am — beating the odds and taking care of myself. I even take care of my family of my own.

I have my bad days like everyone else but I continue to take my medication. I make the choice every day to rise up from my bed and persevere to see the whole day through.

This may seem like a sad story but I’m alive! I’m still here! I overcome every day and each day feels like a victory. I needed to believe in the medication I was taking. Believing in God’s grace and mercy has given me so many blessings and second chances.

You can use our site if-me.org to share with loved ones your mental health experiences and plan out strategies to tackle them. We’re an open source organization run by volunteers.

Like what you read? Give if me a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.