Bottle Cap Rap
[Late Show host voice]: Howdy y’all! How are we DOOing TOOday?
[Sound of cow mooing plays over speakers]
[Audience laughs uproariously, someone laughs too hard and starts coughing]
[Host laughing]: Ha! Well, all jokes aside, we have a very important guest tonight — here to talk about how he lost his bottle cap — Luigi Ferrari!
[Luigi, in a thick Italian accent]: Thank you very much for having me tonight. As you can see, I am a very old man.
[Silence as audience member who was coughing resumes coughing]
[Luigi]: Thank you. Tonight I would read a sad poem about losing a bottle cap. It is called Bottle Cap Rap. I hope you do not mind that I write it in my native Italian.
[Audience claps]
[A translator emerges from offstage to stand behind Luigi]
[Luigi clears throat, audience member that coughed claps]
[Luigi]:
Mai l’avventuriero smemorato
Mi ero allontanato
Mi sono perso, incrociato
Me! Un pensionato solitario
[Translator]:
Ever the forgetful adventurer
I had wandered off
Got lost, criss-crossed
Me! A lonely pensioner
[Italian chorus, appearing from behind curtain to sing]:
Ma ho mantenuto il mio ingegno nei miei confronti!
Tenne forte la mia bottiglia d’acqua!
Oh sì, ho mantenuto il mio ingegno nei miei confronti!
Ho tenuto la mia bottiglia così devotamente!
[Translated chorus, emerging from behind other curtain to sing]:
But I kept my wits about me!
Held my water bottle stoutly!
Oh yes I kept my wits about me!
Held my bottle so devoutly!
[Luigi]:
Riesci a immaginare lo scompiglio mentale
Allontanato, sono scivolato sull’argilla
Sono inciampato e ho perso la presa
Ho urlato e gridato dal dolore
Ma non è così
ConfronTARE
Per lo spaVENTO
Dell’usURA
Sulla mia signNORA fiERA
[Translator]:
Can you imagine the mental disarray
Led astray I slipped on clay
I tripped and lost my grip
I yipped and shouted out in pain
But that doesn’t
ComPARE
To the SCARE
Of the WEAR and TEAR
On my LADY FAIR
[Italian chorus]:
Sta parlando della sua bottiglia!
[Translated chorus]:
He’s talkin ‘bout his bottle!
[Luigi]:
Abbassai lo sguardo stupito
I miei sentimenti non radicati
Là! A terra, amico!
La mia bottiglia era senza tappo
Sono andato in vacanza e sono caduto
[Someone Italian in the audience gasps, screaming “No!” in Italian]
[Translator]:
I looked down astounded
My feelings ungrounded
There! On the the ground, man down!
My bottle was without a cap
I went reeling and I toppled
[Audience gasps, someone screams “No!” in English]
[Luigi]:
Sono tornato indietro e questo è un dato di fatto
Ma la mia bottiglia era ancora senza tappo
[Translator]:
I made it back and that’s a fact
But my bottle was still topless
[Chorus exits behind curtain]
[Audience claps and coughs politely]
[Luigi]: Thank you.
[Translator]: “Thank you.”
[Band plays Luigi out]
