A Pre-Emptive Guide to Modern Messaging Etiquette

Or: How not to acquire dwl status in your messaging networks.


In modern phone etiquette, if you call and actually leave a message…

… the (hd-madhd) mob (being just about most of us, most of the time now)… are inclined to see mental images of you as a monkey wearing shoes on your hands. As you walk off a cliff — somehow having got the impression that those shoes were ‘actually’ wings.

Here’s how it works today.

They know you called.

Their ever-hungry hand-demon tells them. A lot. In all the myriad ways. Even in their dreams.

If they care? They’ll just call you, and you would know that, so you don’t leave a message. If you do leave a message, you don’t know this, which means — catch 2–22 — you’re an idiot — and thus any message you left will be dwl.

In the ‘attention deficit disaster mods’ crowd, voicemail messages are like someone announcing their candidacy for the special olympics of the opposite of communication. It’s all intuitive now.

You don’t leave messages, you have to make them guess and ache and squirm to know what you might have left… if messages (or anything at all, really) still mattered.

I’m all about the cutting edge — keeping up with the times, so to speak — so when I text people…

I never send more than a single letter.

( • dwl: delete(d) without listening )