Notes From A Professional Predator: My Thanks for Your Ceaseless Distraction

Good day. For me that is. I am, you see, a professional predator. Like many predators in nature, I study populations in order to select choice victims for cons, theft and other forms of victimization. I’ve been a pro for over 20 years, but until around 10 years ago, my job was a lot more risky, and significantly more difficult.

Now, it is incredibly simple, and nearly risk-free.

Why?

A simple fact: until around 12 years ago, nearly no one was using handheld devices in public.

Now, by way of demonstrating my appreciation for your profound distraction and the profit it literally dumps upon me daily, I am going to work against myself here, and give something back. Nearly none of you will notice or use it, and mostly, I will be preaching to the already converted. But here’s what I want you to understand: how predators work, and how we select our prey.

We work just like predators in nature. That is, we are extremely vigilant so that we can select prey that ‘is advertising’ to us that it is ready to be harvested. In nature, it is the same as with humans. Top predators ‘read’ prey banks in order to select the targets that advertise to them.

We have signal intelligence. This means that we observe signals of distraction, illness, confusion, and other signals that essentially draw us to prey, almost magnetically.

Now, over the past ~12 years, as handheld devices took over the human populations, our job has become vastly easier for a simple reason. Some 70-80% of people in public, especially in urban environments — and including most drivers — are not paying any attention whatsoever to their surroundings. They are actually walking around staring into devices in their hands. For us, this fact means that a new Gold Rush is upon us.

See, total distraction in public is a primary signal that people are self-selecting for victimization. Anyone that distracted is an easy mark, and I can take their wallet, purse, the cellphone itself, or subject them to a variety of rapid manipulations that will result in shocking profits (sometimes upwards of $1000) for about 3 minutes of actual work.

Can you imagine making $10 — 20k per hour? I don’t have to imagine. I get the money.

Let me explain how attractive this is. We have a small network that operates in large urban cities. Each day, we bring in between 20 and 50k in high-end electronic goods, wallets, jewelry, cash and other rapidly saleable commodities. Each day. The profits vary by season, in part because tourists are easier and often more profitable prey.

Almost any day as I patrol my ‘farming’ zones, nearly everyone is advertising that they are ready to be victimized. The signals they send are overt, constant and lethally obvious. And our profits are, as the saying goes, ‘through the roof’.

So we want to thank you, and this is our way of saying thanks; to alert you to how we select prey so that a tiny percentage of you will get the clue. Here it is, and it is worth its weight in tantalum (an expensive metal found in many of your devices). When you demonstrate that you are not vigilant, you attract predators of many kinds like a magnet.

Frankly, we want you to continue to just be as distracted as you please, since the less attention you pay to yourself, your surroundings and your situation, the more profit we can easily derive. But we know this message will reach nearly no one, and that very few people who read it will change their behavior, because they are already deeply imprinted by this bizarre disease that causes them to attend their smartphones as if life and prosperity depended on them.

And it does, but not for you… for us.

Again, our thanks. And keep it up, we really appreciate the support. In fact, in the past year alone, I have been able to purchase two large homes valued at over half a million dollars with the profits. I own a new model Tesla, and a Ducati motorcycle that cost me almost 20 grand. I wear designer clothes, and look like someone you would never suspect is a professional predator, which is exactly as I like it.

My cohort and I are enjoying incredible success, and our business is exploding each month. We really appreciate your distraction, and are nearly sure you will not only keep it up, but, as has been the trend over the past 15 years, expand it endlessly into new domains.

You people are golden. As your common abilities at vigilance and attention become compromised in new ways, you are lifting us into otherwise unimaginable opportunities. Keep up the great work; you can be assured we will take every possible advantage of it.

Oh, and, by the way — there are a lot of varieties of predators out there. Public, private, political, relational… sexual. All of them use the same basic paradigm. So if you want to lose your inheritance, your investments, your sanity, your nation… you can be sure that distraction will get the job done, and quickly.

Also, if you’re female, and out on the street, you might want to think seven times about what kinds of signals you are sending, and who is receiving them… when you are staring into your cellphone instead of paying significant attention to your surroundings, ambient threats, opportunities for safety and comfort, and other features of circumstance that will actually pay benefits for attending them with awareness.

The world is dangerous enough that vigilance alone will not protect you from all threats, but it will reduce your presence on our radar to the degree that most of the professional predators won’t select you, and that’s a strong enough benefit to move the odds in your favor, especially in busy, urban situations.

So take my advice and pay attention when you’re on the street. A lot more than your phone and wallet may depend upon it. And, like I said, it won’t make much of a dent in our profits… but it will tend to keep you off our radar.