When our house caught fire and we didn’t notice (most of us had been asleep for who knows how long) the few of us that woke up (including my Poppy) ran out into the front yard. Daddy had his shotgun, and we all had our smartphones as I remember. Now, the flames were already engulfing the rest of the house where most of the children and our ancestors and animals were and there was no way to get to ’em. None.

It was unfortunate, but we stood our ground, complaining and doing searches and texting and tweeting memes while we waited for camera crews. And the iremen.

In fact, they may very well have set the blaze. We all knew that. Everyone knows about Conspiracy. It’s like … you know, chemtrails. You know, Government secrets and things. I mean, everyone knows that the fireman are actually the people who set the fires in the first place. Daddy does. He taught us good.

So anyway, after a while, this one lone crazy guy showed up, apparently he heard about all of this and hijacked a fire truck — and this rude man started yelling at us to help him set up the hoses, douse the flames, rescue the family, and stop tweeting photographs and instagrams. Can you imagine a total stranger telling us what was what?! Most of our faces were turning purple already but he din’t care! You should have seen him!

He was so offensive.

But then, thankfully…. well, Poppy blew that bastard’s face right off.

Shoulda seen him try to shout us down afore he din’t have no more face. Or mouth even. I think his teeth done turned to diamonds and dust in the chaos of the blast.

He actually called us stupid! Right to our faces!

We laughed and laughed; ’cause his face popped like a wet balloon and he fell down like a rag doll. And then we all had a long sigh of relief and finished our social media updates. I was pretty sure I heard my brothers and sisters… the anciently conserved forests… the animals… dying in the fire. I think I heard them screaming our names. Saw their dreams burn for no good reason at all. Everyone loves to see that kind of thing.

Of course, there was nothing we could do anyway. It was too late and we had no ability to help. And let’s face it, that man was so rude and aggressive that we didn’t have any other choice. It felt good to know we done right that night. We leaned against the stolen fire truck for support and awaited the police and the coroner. The soldiers. The news people. The writers. The spectators.

And oh did they come!

When we were done? We made hundreds of millions on the little Vines and tweets and films. We accidentally captured the screaming of the entire family on tape! The whole world went mad with awe and excitement. We are going to purchase Google now.

The fire made us billionaires. All of us.

Occasionally I miss my brothers and sisters, the gardens, the trees. The oceans. Talking. The skies. The animals. But then? I just blog about it with images and cash rolls in like nothing you can imagine. We kept that firetruck. It’s famous now. We rent out the firetruck to memesters and pranksters, too.

We have castles… all around the world.

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