Above all else….I think I just aspire to be authentic.
At some point, the desires of our heart get so loud that we can’t ignore them. Try as we may, we can’t tune them out forever. In 2017, I began what I thought was a radical journey to achieving my goals. But alas, I was still playing myself. The goals I had set up were too safe. I had convinced myself that the goals I had laid out were the most radical I could achieve. In a way, I was Dorothy from The Wiz, while my heart was Aunt Em. I’d never been south of 125th Street, and I was fine with that. My heart, however, was ready for me to get out of that sand box.
While I was trying to adhere to a plan that would result in the least amount of failures, I was breaking my own heart in the process. Honey was crying out and I was actively ignoring her. All she ever wants to do is write, you see. And when she’s not writing, she wants to read masterpieces. She wants to play James Brown and discuss James Baldwin. She wants to mull over Angela and Assata while Anita sings of sweet love. She wants to read all the greats and wonder what pain it took to create the gems. She’s hungry, that heart of mine.
As the year closes, I want to apologize to her. I have taken her for granted, ignored her needs, and starved her; it’s a surprise she’s still rocking with the kid. So for her sake, I will stop faking. For her sake, I will stop making excuses for not seeing my dreams come to fruition. For her sake, I will write something every day. Even if it’s nothing more than a page’s worth in a journal. It may not always be deep…or even good. But, it will be real. It will be authentic.
The joy that is bursting from my chest as I write these words could only be equivalent to the melody of The Element’s I’ll Write A Song For You. I hope to always play this melody in my heart. But I know it will only play if I stay true. For the survival of my heart, I promise from this day forward to stay true. I will write. I will write about what I know. I will write about what I don’t know. I will write about the things I wish I knew. I will give all that I have to this craft because it is the fire that keeps me awake at night; excited and filled with anticipation for the morning to arrive so that I may rise and write again. Yes, I will write.