7 Ways to Actually Help a Friend That’s Job-Hunting
What to do (and avoid doing) for the sake of your friendship.
When I was fresh out of school, nothing was more annoying than my parents “helpful” advice about how to find a job. They were constantly pushing me to apply for things I wasn’t qualified for, and describing their own career trajectories as if the steps they took were a foolproof system anyone could use with success. But lately I’ve realized that kind of grating behavior isn’t limited to parents — friends can, and often will, say a lot of the same things. Especially friends who happen to be at more advanced stages in their careers.
(And I have definitely caught myself being that annoying friend.)
With the staggering rates of unemployment around the world right now, many of us likely know a friend or two (or three or four) that is currently looking for a job. For those fortunate to have work, it’s understandable to want to lend your friends a hand with some helpful advice about how to nail an interview or where to send a resume.
However, it’s not uncommon for many people to offer “help” that, like parents, can come across as pushy, judgmental, or just plain unhelpful — even when they have the best of intentions. To make sure this isn’t you, consider these tips to avoid putting your friendship at risk:
1. First things first — have a conversation about whether or not your friend actually wants help.
Even though you may feel like they obviously need your assistance, they may not share that feeling. Just because someone may complain about their current job or be openly unemployed doesn’t necessarily mean they are seeking your input. The next time your friend starts venting about their situation, make a point of asking if they want you to try to offer solutions, or if they’re just letting off steam.
2. Always try to offer practical assistance over unsolicited advice.
Actions always speak louder than words. Rather than constantly throwing your two cents in, make sure you offer up your time and resources when they really count. If your friend doesn’t have their own transportation, you could offer to drive them to an interview if you’re able. Let them know you’re willing to be an extra set of eyes to check for typos on their resume. Anything that shows you really care enough to put some time in for them is likely to be appreciated.
3. Recognize when you’re not the best person to help them.
Sometimes the best way to elevate someone else’s career is to put them in touch with a different person entirely. If you work in a different field and don’t know the ins-and-outs of your friend’s industry, it’s probably best to keep your offers to a minimum. Saying, “Hey, I probably can’t do much for you but I know someone else who might be able to help,” can make a world of difference.
4. Don’t overwhelm them.
Everything about the job-hunting process is exhausting. Give them space and time, and resist the urge to be too hands-on. Doing too much can cause them to get frustrated with you, which could end up hurting your friendship in the long run. Unless they bring it up first, try to avoid talking about their job search every single time you see or speak with them.
5. Be prepared for your advice to be ignored.
When and why someone pursues a new career opportunity comes down to a number of factors that are often personal, and you as an outsider may know nothing about them. Don’t begrudge your friend for not applying for that position you think they are perfect for. In all likelihood, something about the job just doesn’t fit in with where they are trying to direct their career.
6. Avoid judgment at all costs.
Struggling to find a job can really drag down a person’s self-esteem. On top of the financial stressors of being unemployed or underemployed, it’s a mental health drain. Practice compassion whenever possible, even if you may have those fleeting thoughts of, “They’re not trying hard enough.” At the end of the day, you probably don’t know as much about the situation as you think you do.
7. Acknowledge any privileges you may have and be mindful of them.
If your life is nothing but smooth-sailing without a hardship in sight, maybe keep the celebrating to a minimum? Your friend is probably not very eager to hear about how great things are going in your world. Remember that during these times in particular, financial security is something that not a lot of people are fortunate to have. Be grateful for your situation and don’t rub it in anyone’s face too much.
Ultimately, you should always aim to be a friend before being a career counselor. (It’s probably what you’re more qualified for anyway.) Besides, if your friend has found work before, they will likely be able to do it again with or without your intervention.
And if you happen to be the friend in need of a job, maybe subtly sharing this story will help keep people off your back for a while…
What’s the least helpful advice anyone has ever given you while job hunting?
