Member-only story

Dildos and Dil-Don’ts

A Light Bulb, a Jump Rope Handle, and a Plastic Doll Head Walk Into a Rectum …

Rectum?! Damn near killed him!

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A person riding up an escalator seemingly about to enter a small hole.
Sorry about the “long-form” photo but it SO works with most folks’ proclivities. Photo by János Szüdi on Unsplash

Sadly, there will be no photos from this point forward.

You’ll have to use your imagination, or whatever else you’ve got on hand.

NB: Be sure to stick around for the last vignette. It’s a doozy. And no fair skipping ahead.

Often, when people meet me and realize I’m a retired ER Doc, they ask “What’s the strangest case you’ve ever had?”

I never tell them, because it’s too strange, and unredeemably grim, but I do frequently tell them about the farm worker who was run over by farm equipment and folded in half and twisted.

When I met him, his right foot lay on his left shoulder and his left foot on his right.

I’m not going to tell that story here. Curious? Read about it here.

But, after some introductory niceties, the folded, twisted man was medicated, HEAVILY, and gently unfolded and untwisted. He spent some time in the operating room and a lot more time in the hospital, but he ultimately recovered and left, walking.

After hearing this, the next new-friend question is commonly “what are the things…

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Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬
Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬

Written by Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬

The “MD” & “um” in Medium, and the “er” in wisenheimer | Doctor Funny editor/czar | Sultan of satire | Party Pooper - Mostly on Trump's party

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