Oct 24, 2020
Back to the Center
Recoil from stress and emotional outbreaks and restore inner balance
We often encounter situations during our day that tend to unsettle us.
During a phase of immense stress from personal and professional fronts, I used to be overwhelmed most days to a point that I couldn’t even identify my center. Some days were so chaotic, taking me on roller coaster rides of emotions, at times rendering me incapacitated in performing the tasks at hand. At times this stress would feel like heavy baggage, an inseparable part of me. I used to see myself as an overstretched bubble of emotions that could break any day.
On rare occasions, in the absence of stress, I used to feel a void so deep, often expressing itself as inexplicable jitteriness.
I used to vent out to my husband and close friends just to calm myself down.
Tendency towards balance
With a natural tendency towards balance, we consciously or subconsciously try to restore it. We might distract ourselves by watching TV or perhaps indulge in unhealthy eating, drinking, or smoking. Although these may appear to be effective methods to calm ourselves, they are often addictive, unhealthy habits that only provide temporary respite.
We might also vent out to someone, which often becomes stressful for the other people involved.
I soon realized my lack of centeredness was so profoundly affecting my family, that they were starting to show signs of distress. That’s when I knew I had to take immediate steps to fix it.
The Center
Our center can be defined as a calm place within us, like our home where we find peace and harmony. It is a point of balance to come back to when emotions and stress push us off balance. Like a wobbly toy bouncing back upright, every time we knock it down.
It is a state of mindful passivity, away from the highs and lows that we otherwise experience.
This might not be the case for many others, but to be centered isn't really an easy task for people like me to pull off.
The path to the center
Incorporating mindfulness into our everyday activities is a very effective way to train our minds to return to its center when it goes off-course. Being mindful is to be present “in” the moment, in the activity you are occupied with. Use your mind and body, including all your senses, to completely engage in it. Below are a few examples
1. Practice mindfulness in daily routine activities
- Slow down and sense the aroma of food when cooking. The smell, texture, and taste of food.
- Observe the bubbles in your bath, like how a child does.
- Listen to the sound of dishes when you are washing vessels, the water running, the warmth of the water.
- Spend time with kids, engage with your kids at their level. Listen to them, play, snuggle, read out to them with all your attention.
2. Engage in healthy, relaxing activities
- Take time to appreciate what you have.
- Sing a song, dance to a happy tune, open the windows, and enjoy the beauty of the sunset or step out and watch the calming waves of the sea.
- Take a hot bath with candles.
3. Practice Meditation
Meditation is an effective way to realize your center and help you get to it. Especially if you are too unsettled to practice mindfulness in daily activities, meditation could give you a kick start.
Practice deep breaths, feel the air flowing in through your nostrils to your lungs, your belly expanding, nourishing the body as you inhale. Feel the toxic air going out. This process will help relax you.
A 93-year-old man who lost his wife of 65 years once asked me, what is life?
Not really expecting an answer from me he went on,
If you think it’s about joy or sadness or celebrations, it isn’t. Those are what we make of life — our experiences, our joys, our trials and tribulations. In a fundamental sense, it means to breathe in and breathe out. That’s how life begins, and how it ends.
Initially, it was challenging to bring me to a state of general mindfulness, to even meditate for a few minutes.
However, I started consciously shifting the focus from my emotions to the distress signals from my family.
I started perceiving these signals as ‘totem’ (thank you, Inception) and that was my cue, leading me to a mindful state.
The more you practice such methods of mindfulness, the easier and faster it becomes to return to your center and reinforce the feeling of balance, and this will consequently prepare you for life’s turbulence.
Sustained happiness is ultimately not in the highs and lows of our lives. It is rather in the everyday calm and peace and the little joys. Hence learning to spend as much time in the center is key to a happy, content life.
