Become the man you want to marry
My interpretation of Steinam’s quote
I want to paraphrase this great Gloria Steinem quote, “We are becoming the men we want to marry,” to “Become the man you want to marry,” emphasise the transformative power of self-discovery and self-realisation and embrace the journey of becoming the best versions of ourselves.
My interpretation of Steinam’s quote revolves around the idea of self-actualization. We should no longer rely solely on external figures to fulfil our aspirations or ideals. Instead of passively waiting for someone, we should proactively develop and embody those qualities within ourselves. By aspiring to embody the qualities we admire in others, we not only cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness but also foster greater authenticity and integrity in our relationships and interactions with others.
Begin by asking yourself, what qualities do I find attractive in a partner, can I find them in myself? What am I missing? Can I be that for myself? Despite being accomplished, today most of us are looking for our partner’s or someone to walk in to our lives and make us whole.
Let me tell you something. You need to make yourself whole first to be able to love someone else in a wholehearted way, but often times we find it challenging to achieve the “whole” in wholeheartedness.
Over the years, I have come to realise that being in a constant state of happiness doesn’t mean we are whole; a perpetual feeling of well-being or an ongoing state of acceptance, love, and balance is not wholeness. What it truly means is to accept all the pieces of ourselves. The hard, the sad, the mad, the scared, and the glad are all parts of us. Our gratitude and resentment together make us whole.
Here are a few practices which helps me feel whole.
1. Spending quality time with myself- During my college days and the early years of my career, I didn’t understand this. I used to constantly crave company. I mistook being alone for loneliness. It took me years to discover the pleasure of walking in nature, exploring a new city or country, or hanging out at a market loving my own company as much as with another person.
2. I ensure my self-esteem is balanced by self- criticism- Sometimes people confuse self-indulgence with self-love. I push myself when I’m not living up to my own expectations, but it must be done with kindness. Learning to love yourself despite your imperfections allows you to accept other people’s imperfections.
3. Gratitude and Self appreciation- I ask myself about the things that made me feel proud, brave, or gave me a sense of fulfilment during the week. It’s important to acknowledge when you do something brave and thank yourself.
4. I examine my current circumstances and explore them in my mind- Am I satisfied with the way I nourish my body and mind? How can I get more in touch with my higher goddess or higher self? Is there a place within me where I can find peace, wisdom, and guidance? Is there a flow of different feelings, or do I find myself stuck on one emotion? Do I feel balanced? How am I connected with the people in my life (family, friends, partner, coworkers)? What’s working, and where do I want to make changes?
5. Practicing Mindfulness- It’s crucial to find a practice that centers you. I have suffered from chronic anxiety for many years and guided meditation has helped me through the years to find focus.
There are different methods of centering that are just as powerful for self-reflection; dance, art, writing, and prayer are just a few examples. What they all have in common is that we can use them to check in.
Rather than seeking validation or completion through a romantic partner, we must embrace self-discovery and self-improvement as essential components of our journey towards fulfilment and these practices will help you find a wholeness inside. Only when we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to feel generous towards others.
