How Acceptance Can Save Your Sanity
Learning to let go will release you from the madhouse.
Control freak! Deep down, that’s what we all are. I know I am, for sure. Having control, or even the sense of it, is extremely comforting. Even when something happens that we clearly have no control over, it still affects us as if we had that control in the first place. We get mad, irritated, or frustrated.
Attempting to control situations, outcomes, or even others, is (at least for me) a form of protection. If I can control things and events around me, then I will be safe. I don’t seek out control because of some sort of power trip. No way. I truly feel as if it shields me from harm. This type of behavior, for me, stems from childhood trauma.
As a child, we have very little control. Over anything. We are at the mercy of our parents, guardians, grandparents, or whoever is in charge of caring for us. But when that power is used to abuse and manipulate, a child loses the ability to trust anything or anyone. When said child becomes an adult, life is like living on the edge. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
That’s where the attempt at controlling outcomes and situations come in. If a situation can be controlled, the safer the outcome will be. The thing about this learned behavior, is that it creates a sometimes overwhelming amount of anxiety. It is a lot of work to control everything. It cannot be done. But still, we try. The thing is, we don’t have to. I don’t have to. This is where acceptance comes in.
My road to learning acceptance has been a long one. It was a slow evolution of awareness. I started to experience the wonders of it almost immediately, once I brought it into my consciousness. I no longer am living with a constant level of anxiety in every moment. It was truly madness. I was always on edge. Worried. Stressed. Anxious.
The path of control is a lonely one. As a result, I carried the weight of unnecessary, and self inflicted, anxiety all on my own. I didn’t have to anymore, though. The attempt to escape or avoid potential pain and upset, was in fact creating pain and upset. How could this have happened? Where did it go wrong? I’d been so careful!
That was my problem. I was trying way too hard. My controlling issues had taken over. If someone didn’t return a shopping cart where they should, I felt instant frustration. If someone was not doing something, anything, the way I thought it should be (I’m a big rule follower), then I would go into a silent rage. Okay, rage is a bit overdramatic, but I would get angry. Upset. Annoyed.
Something had to be done. I couldn’t carry on this way. Then, a light was shone into my life that started to turn my thinking around. Acceptance was that light. What if, instead of getting upset about any and everything I had no control over (people, situations, events, etc.), I just accepted that I simply couldn’t control everything and everyone.
Could I do that? How would I start? The very act of thinking this, meant I had already begun. I had to accept that I am an observer. That when I’m seeing something I may not like, something I may not do myself, I should just move on. Of course, if it isn’t hurting me or anyone. This has proven to be a massive relief in my life.
I feel like I can breathe again. The power of acceptance is so freeing. I have been released from the shackles of anxiety and upset. Of course, I’m human, so anxiety and upset will never fully go away. But, to not feel it all of the time is such a relief. But wait…does acceptance mean that I approve? Not necessarily.
Acceptance is simply a form of acknowledgment. By practicing acceptance, I am acknowledging what I’m seeing, or who I’m observing. If it affects me, I can decide if I want to do anything about it. Is there anything I can do? If so, I act. If not, I move on.
It really has made life more simple. It helps to keep me focused and also keeps me in the present. I’m able to be more proactive in my daily life. I want to feel empowered. Besides, trying to control everything is exhausting. It’s a full time job. Because of acceptance, I have personally found that my current existence is now a calm and peaceful one. It’s quite lovely.
With a little practice, I think acceptance can do for you what it has done for me. It will allow the really important things an opportunity to be at the front of the line. And at the very least, make life just a little bit easier.
