Are We Destined To Become Our Parents?
How values transfer between generations — for better or worse.
My childhood was unique in that my father was away for roughly 50% of it, deployed to myriad wars in Europe and the Middle East. I was often asked if it was difficult, but I never felt like it was. Not because I didn’t miss dad, but because it was all I ever knew.
Dad worked as a SEAL, also called the “quiet warriors”, which is a name that holds well: they don’t talk about what they do. Yet this SEAL thing became a dominant theme in my childhood. On the playground, boys asked me inane and repetitive questions about my dad killing foes with one finger. I got asked incessantly if I would join the military like dad (and today I’m still asked why I didn’t).
I’m more of a make-love-not-war type, and never felt the calling to go to the military, and ended up becoming a writer.
In society, this gap is often seen with alarm, as child similarity to their mother and father is seen as a hallmark of successful parenting, a testament to the presence and influence of parents on their children.
And it brings forward the questions: How far do we fall from the tree? And should parents aim to raise children as a reflection of themselves? We can find answers by looking to science, and our own…
