How to Avoid Self-Sabotage in Your Writing
Recognizing self-defeating behaviors is the first step
I’ve got a real problem with procrastination. If I need to start a new project that’s making me uneasy, suddenly the state of my bathrooms becomes top priority. I tell myself that I’ll work more efficiently in a clean house. Meanwhile, the hours tick by as I find other ways to keep occupied, and my deadline looms.
My procrastination is a type of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is when we interfere with our plans and goals. It can cause destruction anywhere in your life; in your career, with weight-loss goals, or relationships.
Anyone can indulge in self-sabotage behavior some of the time, but as writers, we’re particularly susceptible. Think about it. Writing is so subjective. We have the best intentions as we pour our hearts into our work. But the world doesn’t always respond to our words the way that we want.
In comes self-sabotage. It’s one of the many defense mechanisms our brain uses to protect us from failure and humiliation. Our brains use defense mechanisms to keep us comfortable.
Writing is so uncomfortable, it’s no wonder our brains work hard to protect us.
Why Does Our Brain Do This to Us?
Here’s the thing with defense mechanisms. They operate behind the scenes, often subconsciously. You’ve got to do some serious introspection to notice them at all.
Our brain works hard to save us from pain. And it can help us function in the short term. Sometimes our feelings are so overwhelming, we need our brain to step in and give us a breather.
Defense mechanisms saved us as we evolved
In the beginning, the world was filled with many dangers. We were at the mercy of an environment teeming with predators. To survive we needed social groups. We needed to fit in with others and we needed to avoid change.
Change could bring dangerous consequences. Eating an unknown berry, for example, could mean poison. Staying with what we knew meant safety.
Today we still have our defense mechanisms to protect our social needs and our fear of change. But in today’s world, they aren’t as helpful. In today’s world, self-defense mechanisms, such as self-sabotage, can lead us straight into failure.
How to Recognize Self-Defeating Behavior
Self-sabotage can be completely subconscious. We may have no idea we’re doing it. It’s easier to see in other people. You may notice when your friend finds fault in every relationship. But your friend won’t ever admit they’re doing it to themselves.
Signs of self-sabotage
- You routinely forget or wait until the last minute for deadlines. This leads you to miss deadlines or rush to finish them and turn in sub-standard work.
- You start projects and never finish. You may feel energetic and excited in the beginning, but as you begin your work, you start finding excuses not to continue.
- You engage in negative self-talk. You constantly tell yourself you aren’t good enough, your writing is bad, nobody will like your work, everyone else writes better than you.
- You stop forward progress without a rational reason. You have the skills to accomplish your goals, but you can’t seem to move forward.
Lack of Self-Worth
When we engage in self-sabotaging behaviors often, they become a habit. And the more they work, the more our brain convinces us negative thoughts were right. When you never finish that novel, for example, you may think to yourself, I knew I could never do it.
The main reason for all of this negative behavior is a lack of self-worth. If deep down you think you’re not good enough, you’ll find reasons to fail. If you believe you don’t deserve success, obtaining it will make your defense mechanisms work overtime to get yourself back to a more comfortable state.
You may be afraid that trying will end in failure, and result in humiliation in front of family and friends. In this case, it becomes more comfortable to cause yourself to fail, rather than to try your hardest and still not make it work.
Ending the Cycle
- Recognize what you’re doing. It takes a deep look inside to see when you’re engaging in destructive behavior. But this is the key to ending it.
- Stop negative thoughts when you realize they’re coming on. And understand that every single person writing has times they feel they are lousy writers. Even the best of them. It’s okay to feel this way, but don’t let it stop you from reaching your dreams.
- Get organized. Don’t let yourself procrastinate deadlines. Make yourself accountable.
- Recognize imposter syndrome in yourself. This is the feeling that you are a fake. You may have the same education and skills as everyone around you, but you can’t help feeling you will be exposed as a fraud. Leading to self-destructive behaviors like procrastination and diversion. Understanding this feeling helps you to control it.
- Keep on writing. The best way to end a negative cycle is to just keep going. Don’t act on nagging thoughts of self-doubt. Listen when you have them and acknowledge why you’re feeling that way, but don’t let them stop you.
- Submit your work everywhere. Don’t be afraid to submit your writing to online publications, print magazines, or publishers. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen? Yes, you may get rejected. But it doesn’t mean you’re banned for life from submitting to them. You’ll get your name in front of them, and maybe the next time they see your work, they’ll say yes.
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Jung
Just Write
Many people say that self-sabotage is due to fear of success. But I would argue that self-sabotage happens more often out of fear of trying your best and failing anyway.
Writing itself isn’t hard. It’s putting yourself and your words out there to the world that is hard. Even non-fiction writing still has a little piece of you in it. It’s hard to put yourself into something and watch it fail.
You’ve got to accept failure when you’re a writer
Even the best authors have had books that the critics hated or books that barely sold. Everything you write is not going to be well-received. But it doesn’t mean you should stop. It doesn’t you’re no good.
You have to keep trying to find success. And even then, you’re going to be hit with a healthy dose of failure. But the more you write, the more you put your work into the world, the more you will overcome your self-defeating behavior.
With success behind you, even if the next one fails, you know you can pick yourself up again and keep going.
