How To Sustain Harmony During Conflict and Despair:

Lessons from Aikido and Warm Data

For after the election, based on a talk about my book, A Wider Lens: How To See Your Life Differently

“The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything and everything we can save is worth saving” –Rebecca Solnit

“Remember that harmony is inextricably bound up with the conflict from which it sprang” — Terry Dobson

Given the existing polarization and the recent extreme adversarial election in America, it is ever more apparent how little we know of each other, especially when we share the basic needs that sustain us. What common attributes do we possess across the different contexts and institutions of our lives? How do we cope? How do we love and work? How is it to be with Me? What future desires and differences do we aspire to? How do we perceive and act toward conflict?

We tend to perpetuate polarization when we engage in and sustain adversarial dynamics. Gregory Bateson described it as schismogenesis, which means creating division. It can take symmetrical forms or behavioral patterns, such as the arms race or a couple accusing each other of who is to blame for their unhappiness. This can result in escalating outcomes as each side attempts to improve their advantage. It can also occur when one person or group puts another in a complementary submissive pattern, such as bullying and being demeaning. Either way, it produces injurious double bind (being between a…