How To Unmask And Be Your True Self
Lifting the veil is not for the weak
Who are you? No really, who are you? If you removed your job, your interests, and the people you love, who would you be, dear reader?
For me, it was not a question I could answer. Being undiagnosed AUHD (autistic+ADHD) I had learned to mask from a very early age. I didn’t understand social cues and it often seemed like I was two different people living in one body. Taking off that mask and being authentic with myself and who I am has been a long and arduous process. The one thing that helped me was being honest with myself and others and learning to live in the present. It’s the first step to finding out who you are. It’s not brutal honesty, it’s radical. A relatively new method of living authentically with yourself and the people around you.
Radical honesty is the practice of always telling the truth. You won’t lie about anything, not even white lies. It offers a wide range of benefits and deepens your connection with others on a fundamental level. It’s about recognizing your feelings and what you notice without blame. It is being true to yourself AND the other person. To all the “I’m just being honest crowd’ sit down and listen. You’ll need this as much as I did trust me.
Radical Honesty is not to be confused with a moral obligation to tell the truth
You learn to speak authentically
When you are radically honest you are speaking true in every sense of the world. You speak openly and in depth about how you feel, what you want, what you think, what you’ve done, and what you are doing. You become more trustworthy and it become easier to forgive and to be forgiven.
You learn to be in the present
All truths in the world must first be noticed, not necessarily thought about. The difference is that when you notice something, it is just that, an observation. An empirical event that is not clouded by your pattern of thinking, biases, moods, and emotions, or even your own needs. Radical honesty is about cementing yourself in the present, with only the facts of said event or situation. Being aware of the distinction between noticing something and thinking of it will help you not only be more honest with yourself and others but it will also help you live in the present as well.
You become the creator of your life
You can only notice three things: internal sensations, external sensations, and what is happening in your mind and heart. When you are mindful of everything around you and openly share what you experience as you experience it you become the driver of your life. Instead of being reactive, the goal is to revert to the almost childlike qualities of expression without the pain, emotion, or biases that come from a life full of hurt and societal lies.
You learn the art of “letting go”.
When you lie, bend the truth, purposely omit information, or pretend all you are doing is placing a burden on yourself. In nearly every situation it is better to tell the truth rather than lie. When you learn to speak truthfully with yourself and others, not only do you create an environment of absolute truth, but you also authentically experience everything that comes your way. Instead of blindly reacting to external or internal stimuli, you share what you notice openly and honestly, deepening bonds and lifting the burden of a lie or half-truth. This allows you to fully experience different scenarios without being weighed down by them later.
Taking the first step
When I learned this method I kept at it. Little by little, I found my life improving, and I discovered who I am. I can live as me, play as me, be me. When I first started, it seemed as if I was fighting an uphill battle, but as I continued, I became stronger and more grounded in myself with each passing day. It turns out that this entire time, all I had to do was be honest with myself, with my wants, and with my needs as I experienced them.
