My Favorite Quotes and What They Mean to Me
Sometime many years ago when I was in the thick of my corporate communications career, I began a habit of checking the quote on the top of each day’s agenda page in my Covey Planner. Most of them were trite and didn’t resonate with me. But every once in a while, I’d land on a specific combination of a few words that seemed to fine-tune my mind and get me off to an optimistic, energized start.
I began keeping a list of quotes that tuned my head up in that way. They came from everywhere — not just my day planner, but books and magazines, as well as my own distant memory of things people had said to me that stuck.
This is a list of my top dozen favorites, along with an explanation of why they mean so much to me.
12. Eleanor Roosevelt:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Shortly after I started working at my very first job out of college, in sales promotion at a small Philadelphia company that sold pots and pans and dishes and silverware, my boss — who founded and owned the firm — gave me a book of quotes. He drew my attention in particular to this one, by Eleanor Roosevelt. I think he sensed a deep-seated insecurity in me that was holding me back. I fully understood what the quote meant, but it was easier to understand than to truly internalize so that it took root in my psyche. That took many years. It still helps to dust it off every once in a while, and I frequently remind students and mentees of its wisdom.
11. Hillary Clinton
“Bloom where you’re planted.”
Not until writing this piece did I realize that “Bloom where you’re planted” is actually from the Bible. I always associated it with Hillary Clinton, who’s frequently used the phrase. It was never more apt than in 2008, when she had wanted to become the country’s first woman president but instead became Secretary of State under Barack Obama. Fundamentally, it means make the most of the hand you’re dealt. But in the course of my professional life I came to associate it — and be inspired by it — as an exhortation to do the very best job you can do in whatever job you have; to apply your particular talents, skills and strengths to achieving and influencing as much as you can — even if you land in a position that was not your first choice, and even if you lack the title, status or position you think you need for others to pay attention to you. As leadership expert John Maxwell put it, “Lead from where you are.” When I found jobs I’d give my eye teeth for going to peers instead of me, my initial reaction was wounded pride, unbearable disappointment and bitterness. But when I slept on the experience for a night or two, I realized that where I landed wasn’t so bad, and that if I kept my head on straight I could continue to enjoy my work and my life to the fullest. And maybe even influence a few things.
10. Dr. Phil McGraw
“Make the right decision or make the decision right.”
My mom taught me this one, and I thought she made it up. But I found out while writing this piece that it actually comes from Dr. Phil. Sometimes we have to make decisions between two alternatives where one is clearly superior to the other. But often we wrack our brains trying to decide between two choices that each have their pros and cons. In those circumstances, the best mindset is, as my mom — and Dr. Phil — would say, to “make the right decision or make the decision right”: to pick one and realize it was the superior option you thought it would be, or pick the other and make it work. And if you absolutely can’t after trying as hard as you can, choose another option, and make that one work.
9. Christopher Walken
“Be careful.”
Can’t you just see his exotic face and hear his often-imitated voice saying it? “Ya know… it’s impawtant… ta be KEAH-ful. It’s impawtant ta be keah-ful AWL the TIME!” And is it ever! Most of the things that drive me nuts and make me wanna smack myself with all my might happen because I wasn’t keah-ful enough: I missed a step in the subway station and tumbled down the stairs, with fellow strap-hangers looking on in shock. BE KAEH-FUL! I didn’t double check the address of the doctor’s office before heading out to my appointment and wound up at the wrong place, then being late when I finally figured out where I was going. BE KAEH-FUL! I was day-dreaming in the bathroom and pissed on the toilet bowl AND the floor. BE KAEH-FUL! You get the idea. To save yourself from disasters large and small, remember: BE KAEH-FUL!
8. Curtis Mayfield
“It may not come when you want it to, but it’s right on time.”
When Curtis Mayfield, famous as front man for the soul group Curtis Mayfield and the Impressions in the ‘60s and for his successful solo career afterward, died in 1999, this quote appeared in his obituary in The New York Times. I’d met Mayfield in 1976 when inexplicable fate involved me in one of his projects. He was bankrolling, acting in and producing the soundtrack for “Short Eyes,” the movie adaptation of an award-winning play by Puerto Rican poet and playwriting Miguel Pinero. I even wound up unwittingly taking Mayfield and Pinero on a cocaine run! Anyway, when I read this quote in the newspaper it instantly resonated with me. It reminded me of how many times something I’d dearly wanted — from a closer parking space at work to a promotion to an early retirement date — I realized how much more that object of my desire meant to me once I got it, and how perfect the timing seemed in the end.
7. Confucius
“The man who loves his job never works a day in his life.”
Patch up the paternalism and you’ve got a quote for all times. I was lucky enough to land in a job I loved, using my writing to inform, influence and inspire internal and external audiences for a multinational corporation. I pursued my craft conscientiously, always trying to raise my game, and kept at it for 35 years. Even in retirment I’m still trying to get better and better as a communicator, whether I’m paid or not. I can’t imagine what a life of drudgery at work would be like. And I’m grateful that’s something I never had to grapple with.
6. Lao Tsu
“Act without striving. Work without interfering.”
This quote in contained in the 63rd chapter of Lao Tsu’s Tao Te Ching, the foundation of Taoism. It conveys the essence of a life philosophy within Taoism called Wu Wei, which is roughly translated as “effortless action.” But my understanding of it is that it does not call for living without effort, but rather, it advocates living in an unforced manner where, by going with the natural flow of things — nature, the universe, your own inner drives — you are inclined to take action when appropriate, when it feels effortless because it is neither forced nor undertaken out of striving for some particular outcome. Wu Wei is the essence of “going with the flow,” of living as the spirit moves you. Wu Wei is my ideal, and the more I stop striving for it, the closer I’m likely to get.
5. Charles Bukowski
“Don’t try.”
Charles Bukowski suffered mountains of rejection, a hand-to-mouth existence, alcoholism and despair before gaining acclaim as a writer. He asked that the words “Don’t try” be engraved on his headstone when he died to encourage aspiring writers to be themselves, to not over-think or over-work their prose, and to never write for fame or fortune. It may have been his way of advocating Wu Wei. And like Wu Wei, it’s easier to say than to do.
4. Thomas Bollag
“Be a warrior, not a worrier.”
When my company sent my wife and me to Basel, Switzerland, in 2001, I figured I’d start a new hobby to go along with my new life. I googled “Kung Fu teachers in Basel” and discovered a training studio run by Thomas Bollag, a Swiss who’d spent time training under a marshal arts master in the UK and spoke perfect English, with a British accent. Whenever he’d sense me being anxious or worried, he’d say, “Be a warrior, not a worrier.” Like a lot of these quotes, it’s easier to understand than to execute. But I’ve always loved the sound of it and like to use it with the graduate students I mentor on their Master’s theses. I was a wreck when I had to do mine 40-some years ago. But they don’t need to know that. By the way, I learned in this writing that the source of this quote, too, is not the person I always attributed it to. The phrase “Be a warrior, not a worrier,” it turns out, was coined by a guy named Bob Baker, who writes about affirmations and the power of positive self-talk.
3. Philip Roth
“I have a slogan I use when I get anxious writing, which happens quite a bit: ‘The ordeal is part of the commitment.’ It’s one of my mantras. It makes a lot of things doable.”
When I get writer’s block, suffer from inertia and just can’t get myself into gear, I think of Roth’s quote and, like many of the others in this piece, it tunes up my head and sets me straight. Before long I’m able to just sit down and get back into effortless action.
2. “Fat Relief Pitcher” Bob Wickman
“Trust your stuff.”
In the same October 2010 interview of Philip Roth in Esquire magazine, writer Scott Rabb said one of his favorite quotes is from “fat relief pitcher Bob Wickman.” The heavy hurler who played for multiple MLB teams between 1992 and 2007, lost part of his index finger on his right hand in a farming accident when he was a child. The injury is said to have enhanced the sinking motion of his fast ball. When I read that he had said you gotta “trust your stuff,” I took it to mean you have to have faith in yourself as you are. You have to believe that your natural brain, heart and gut, combined with your particular strengths, skills and talent — and even your handicaps — will get the job done. And don’t let anyone or anything shake that faith in yourself.
1. Bruce Lee
“Be happy, but never satisfied.”
I’ve been called a perfectionist. One of my friends has said I’m even trying to perfect retirement. Guilty as charged. This Bruce Lee quote released me on my own recognizance to continuing seeking perfection, as long as I maintain a happy outlook and full enjoyment of my life as it is. Thank you, Bruce.
And finally, to make it a baker’s dozen favorite quotes…
Bonus Quote: William Shatner
“Regret is the worst human emotion. If you took another road, you might have fallen off a cliff. I’m content.”
In other words, if you’re spending time hand-wringing about roads not taken, stocks not bought or sold at the best time, choices made or not made… FUHGEDDABOUTIT!
If you discern a theme running through my favorite quotes, it’s probably this: I’m okay, the universe knows what it’s doing, and everything’s gonna be all right. Those things may not all seem true at the same time all the time, but more often than not they are. So, as my shrink always tells me, relax and enjoy your life. That’s what it’s there for.
