Rebuilding a Code of Conduct after Surviving Narcissistic Abuse
Formulating a relational blueprint that raises the bar
When I recall memories of allowing others to walk all over me I am beset with sadness and regret. Like many of the folks I see for complex trauma treatment, this pattern of abdicating standards, dealbreakers or basic relational preferences was rooted in core relational injuries incurred through familial grooming. Enduring a trauma bond with parental abusers, meaning a tenacious attachment reinforced by a repetitive cycle of abuse in which my parental abusers were imbued with tremendous power, necessitated adapting to life as a narcissistic extension. This entailed equating love with the abdication of self and complying with the directive that a power submissive dynamic, not equanimity or mutuality, was the only way to procure any sort of relational attention.
Furthermore, systemic child abuse required the reliance on coping strategies which offset complete psychological collapse. Hence, forming a pathological allegiance to my abusers was a necessary coping mechanism which assisted with normalizing terrifying dynamics.
Accordingly, accommodating familial abuse set me up for, at the very least being a deferential doormat and at worst, subsequent victimization. Having no blueprint for what a healthy…
